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Inertia

2010-12-19T19:10:00.000-08:00

I'm a really lazy person who can't even sit myself down to write a decent blog post. Most of the things that I write here won't really be "updates" considering that they've been over for at least 3 weeks now. After some thought I figured that Blogger is not suitable for me anymore. I'll be keeping this for memory's sake.

http://trappedinmyworld.tumblr.com/

Please do drop by and leave a comment or something

Sayonara.

2010-11-20T15:34:00.000-08:00

Actually I wanted to say "Even though it was a little embarassing, it was one of the nicest things I've heard in awhile. Thanks"

But the reply you gave just changed my mind completely. Now what I really want to say is just "Are you stupid enough to not know how to say the right things at the right time?"

2010-11-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

I hate how life presents me with one last chance but I am still not treasuring this opportunity.
I hate how I am motivated at first but end up distracted.
I hate how I can't find the passion for learning.
I hate not doing well for studies, and yet slacking my fucking ass off at home.
I hate how I make promises and conpromises to myself.
I hate how you, the person who is the least likely to appear on my mind, suddenly do.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

2010-11-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

I always thought I could vent off steam on a punching bag. Guess I was wrong. What I did was to let frustration and negative emotions manifest and take control over me. I wasn't releasing them. I was letting them grow. This created strength, but stirred violent emotions within me. It gets harder and harder to restrain them. But you know what.... It felt damn good while it lasted.

Anyway, due to the post-promos burnout, my mind has grown to be fat and lazy. I can't even sit down to do a Math problem or read Leviathan without being distracted and bored. I need to get my lazy ass mind to start working again. COME ON JERRY. You can do so much more than this. You're running out of time as it is. Wake up. Now.

Life's been going downhill now. It's hard to get my lazy-ass mind to exercise itself, been sleeping late doing unimportant stuff, getting distracted easily, no plan or whatsoever for the holidays, time flying past me, don't know what else to do for OP, and my guitar playing is getting lousier. I don't know whether is it because I didn't practice as much or I've hit a bottleneck.

Hiccups, that's what they are. I'll overcome them. Meanwhile all the best to the J2's who are going through Hell. Hahaha. Soon it'll be Purgatory for them and finally, Heaven. All the best y'all.

2010-11-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

Ever since I entered JC blogging has become a privilege that I seldom indulge in. I'm either too tired or just too lazy. Majority of the time its the latter. With all the PW stuff and the essay and the things we have to do, sometimes you just don't feel like writing anymore. With the WR out of the way and the academic year coming to a close, finally I have some free time on my hands to blog.

Well, Promos are over. Results? AACCE. Promoted, but not fantastic. There were some subjects which I studied really hard for and yet its not reflected. There were some subjects that I obviously would have done better had I studied harder for it. My parents seemed pleased. I'm not. Before I had gotten my results, all I wanted to do was to promote. Now that I'm promoted, I feel that I let myself down. I should be satisfied, but I'm not.

I guess it's really time to step my game up. I can feel it already. It is indeed my last shot at this. One academic year gone in the blink of an eye. Just awhile ago it was still Orientation. Time really flies. This made me realise that soon enough, I will be the one collecting my A Level results. Where do I go from there? I never gave any thought about it.

I'm uncertain about the future. This uncertainty resulted in the my aversion with regard to thinking about my future. It's time I started. To be honest, thinking about my future scares me. I fear that I may not realize my ambitions. If i don't start now, I'll never be able to. To think that I've kinda wasted one year, letting opportunities fly past me is really something that will haunt me.

But I'm going to make it all up. I'm finally getting my directions sorted out. It's my time. If I try a 100 times and fail, and I just give up, then I'm never going to succeed. I need to keep trying, and seek for the right methods and go in the right direction. I'm not letting myself down again. Please God, be with me.

Inception

2010-08-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Dreams. We all have them. Dreams can be categorized into two categories, the conscious ones and the subconscious ones. In our lives we try our best to fufill our conscious dreams, more commonly known as ambitions. But what about our subconscious ones? How do we deal with them? I believe most of us will either take one of the 2 approaches:

1. Decode it
2. Forget about it.

Most of us would choose number 2. I would. Decoding your dreams isn't really practical. There are a million and one ways to explain what your dreams really mean. Even if you can finally understand what that dream mean on the millionth and second attempt, you might have to go through this arduous process again and again until a pattern can be drawn. Most of us would just forget about our dreams, since we will wake up with the feeling that "Hey I had an awesome dream, but I can't really recall it". However, if you were Christopher Nolan, you would choose secret option no. 3. Make a movie out of it. From the depths of his mind, Inception is born.

Dreams are precisely what Inception deals with. I will not waste any time here explaining the plot to you. You can read it up in Wikipedia. What I can share with you are some of the things I liked about Inception and the parallels between the movie and reality.

1. Dream Theory

There are quite a few things I've discovered in the movie that are fascinating. Besides the fantastic film sets, is the accurate description of how it feels like to be in a dream. Quoting Cobb (DiCaprio),

"You never know how you ended up in a dream. You just know that you're here"

I'm sure most dreamers would agree with this. Whenever we dream we always imagine ourselves to be in a certain place at a certain time, but we always do not know, and most interestingly never question how we ended up in here. All you know is that you're there. Also, it's also fascinating how you can use your conscious will to decide what actions you are going to take in your subconscious dreams. For example, if I had the ability to fly in a dream I would be able to decide how high I want to fly, and to fly in which direction. However, I never ask myself "How did I have this ability to fly in the first place?". This is something that we experience, but we have never really given much thought over this. The film brought my attention to details like the one mentioned above.

Besides that, the fact that the only way people could wake up from a dream is to either die or have that feeling of falling. This is how Cobb and his team goes back to the real world in the film. Yet another truth which we all cannot deny. How do you wake up from a dream? It's either you naturally wake up or when you suddenly wake up due to the fact that you have either died in your dream or you had the feeling as if your soul just fell right back into your body.

The film highlights certain facts that are similar to our own experiences in dreaming. Dreams are a personal thing, something which you rarely share with others. This is why Inception left a deep impression within me. It made me think "Whoa, that's like.... what happened to me. How come I never thought about this?".

2. Dream-Within-A-Dream

The movie had 5 levels of dreams in total, including limbo. I personally feel that the levels of dreams are an abstract representation of your subconscious. The whole idea of Inception is to plant an idea deep within one's mind, until it becomes a natural thought. In order to do that in the film, one has to bring the target into the deepest parts of the subconscious. Just as how the dreams, gets more and more violent and horrible with each deeper level, I believe the violence actually represents the defense mechanisms of the mind kicking in to guard the secrets of our subconscious. Let's say you have a dark secret hidden deep within you, one that you never speak of to anyone, not even your parents. Now let's say somehow wants to extract that secret from you. The closer that person gets, the more aggressive you will become.

Similarly, the first level of the dream consists of a city filled with mercenaries. The second level consists of a hotel filled with armed bodyguards. The third level consists of trained soliders. The fourth and fifth level consists of your worst nightmare. In Cobb's case, it's his wife. The deeper one ventures within his/her subconscious, the more aggressive it gets as it gets desperate in its attempts to stop you from extracting that idea within you. Psychology, I guess. The fact that the closer you are to someone's secrets the more hostile they become.

3. Inception

Another characteristic of Inception is that once an idea is planted, it grows within you. Just as how Cobb's wife died because Cobb performed inception on her, sometimes when you store certain memories or unhappy incidents in your subconscious, you may soon forget about its presence. However, that particular thought is growing secretly. You may not know it, or be aware of it, or even know that it exists until one day that thought comes back to you. Hard. It gnaws at your conscience and rips you to pieces when you attempt to deal with it. Inception is reflected in real life too, except that the inception is done by yourself.

4. The Ending

The Straits Times even had an article that discusses the ending of Inception. How the screen smash cuts to the credits just as Cobb's totem begins to wobble. I believe there is no definite ending to this. Just like the Shakespearean play "A Midsummer Night's Dream", the director is just trying to highlight the blurring of the line between dreams and reality. It's Art. Trying to figure the difference between dreams and reality will just drive you crazy. I believe there is no need to figure out what really happened to Cobb.

5. Conclusion

This film is one of the most disturbing films I have ever watched, because of the way it deals with your subconscious and messes with your mind. The whole dream-within-a-dream-within-a-movie is confusing sometimes. A word of warning: Never dwell too much on the film. Now I'm trying my best to forget some details and thoughts after I post this. The film messes with your mind. Alot. I would recommend this to KI students, and those who love, pardon the vulgarity, to be mindfucked.

2010-07-27T03:12:00.000-07:00

Whenever my parents used to scold me about my results or when I make a mistake in the past, I tell them "This is unfair. No one scolds you when you make a mistake". They always replied with "I will tend to scold myself". I once thought this was ridiculous. Why would I scold myself?

Now I finally understand what it feels like. I would rather they scold me instead now. Every day, every second of my life I'm reminded of the harsh fact that I failed. Every second my mind goes "You failed, you failed, you failed". My pride is crushed and trampled upon. The way everyone looks at me changes significantly. I guess this is the real world huh. Harsh and in-your-face kinda thing.

It's definitely a hard slap in the face. Time to wake up, dull my pride, sharpen my willpower and persevere. You've been in this situation before.

Fall, and get back up stronger than before. Watch me, fear me and finally, be crushed by me.

I still can't think of a title

2010-06-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Blog. My holidays are screwed. True that I have been revising some stuff, but holiday homework? Ha.Ha.Ha. Undone. But I'm not too worried about that. July will be a busy month, with my Terms and Guitar Exam and all. Blogging becomes a privilege in JC, or maybe I'm just too lazy to write.

I used to love writing, to be honest I always liked writing. However, why do I feel that writing has become a chore now? In fact, memory-related subjects feel like a chore now. Even my dear Chinese Literature. True, I suck at it. No doubt I have been failing more than I pass ever since I took on that subject. I have 1 year to build my foundation. Those who took that subject in secondary school, which means the other 4 of my classmates, had 4. Yes it is difficult, but yet I loved it. Now, thinking about it pushes me further away from my texts. This is worrying. Really. Come on Jerry, face your problems head-on. You have expectations to fufill.

Guess I'll just do my best now, which is pathetic because there will be regret again. Regret. Sighz...

Guitar Camp

2010-06-03T03:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back after 3 days 2 nights...... Honestly this camp has struck me in one particular aspect, albeit an unpleasant one, tells me that sooner or later I will get used to it.

Overall the camp was awesome, but one thing that left a sour taste in my mouth is the how the Exco Interview went. The seniors did put in alot of effort, and I applaud and respect them for that, going through every applicant's suggestions seriously. However, I felt really bitter about the fact that I was called for a last minute interview. It's really a bittersweet feeling that although I got into Exco, which I should be happy about. Why do I always get the feeling that the rationale behind my second interview was like "Oh actually we felt that you were not good enough, but since your friends asked us so sincerely to give you a chance, we shall give you that chance", sort of a "beggars can't be choosers" rationale.

That's what I felt. Honestly when I first heard what happened I felt insulted. Really insulted. Should I thank my friends who reccommended me? Or should I lament at my "plight" for not getting the position I want? I'm too tired to answer this question. Either way, what I'm telling myself to do now is to just look forward to what I can do as a QM. I'll make a seemingly insignificant job the most awesome one ever. The QMs of 2010-2011 will leave their legacy in ACGE. Hahahahahahahaaha......

One thing I've learnt in this camp:

Power and status are socially divisive, yet inevitable. Instead of lamenting and showing a poker face to others for so-called "taking your role", I'll just have to learn to restrain and kill these thoughts of jealousy and start thinking of what I can do now since God already gave me lemons.

On a side note:

I think women are sometimes extremely difficult to understand.

Bad Days

2010-05-24T05:12:00.000-07:00

It's just one of these days when you feel as if the whole world turns upside down on you, when you just feel that your tolerance towards life has reached zero. Everything seems to go the other way for you, as if you're stuck in your own Philadelphia. This is exactly what happened to me today. It just didn't feel right, and I just didn't feel myself at all. If I'm really in a Philadelphia, should I start asking for opposite things instead?

Well, anyway today was one of the days where I wasn't really myself at all. Hope it ends, and hope you can understand that some days just start off in a strangely shitting manner.

ACGE

2010-05-11T07:58:00.000-07:00

This is something that SJI does to me over the past few years. Whenever there is an event which struck me or touched me or inspired me or induced any kind of emotion within me, there will be this urge for me to write it down, no matter where or through what mediums. I've stated in my previous post that I wanted to write about Glissando. Despite the tremendous workload and my parent's displeasure, I will now write something about it.

Let's start with a story of me quite some time ago when I first entered AC and had a difficulty choosing CCAs. I was split between choosing water polo and guitar. Actually my first choice at that time was Water Polo, since I was a rugger before and wanted to seek another adrenaline-pumping sport. Yes, water polo trainings has indeed been extremely fun. The insane treading water and the times where we practised our shots. It has been tiring, with trainings ending at 7:30-8:00pm, but it was definately one of the most exhilarating sport.

Thus, from about February to March, if I remember correctly, was one of the most frustrating times I ever had. I've never had such a difficult dilemma. I tried going for both, but of course it wasn't easy to manage. I'm not Tim Lau. Haha. So anyway, I shall go past the details of how I finally set my mind on Guitar. Did I regret it? Of course there were regrets during the first few weeks that I joined. The familiar feeling of adrenaline and aggressiveness pumping inside you was missing. It's like some kind of drug that you need to have.

Through the course of time, guitar has become more and more enjoyable to me. I have awesome section leaders and section mates, awesome seniors who taught me songs that I've always wanted to learn. So there I was, practising the 3 competition pieces, and never really enjoying it because my music knowledge and understanding is really quite limited. I've never really completely mastered Jalousie before extra sectionals, and the only thing I could play was bar 18. I really owe my gratitude to my SLs and Jade for teaching me how to play correctly and getting the dynamics right. It was a steep learning curve for me, but well I never thought of giving up.

Then the moment of magic came. It was during our competition performance that I truly expereienced this magical feeling of ACGE. All our hard work just boiled down to that 3 pieces. And when we played it, I had this feeling that time stopped for a moment around me, and all there remains was the sound of our guitars playing Lotus Eaters, Jalousie and Sleepers Awake. It was after this period of time where I decided to really put my heart and soul into this. It was, to a certain extent my realization. I love this CCA.

And so I practised with whatever time I have for the concert. The many different pieces that we had to play were difficult to manage. I must confess that I did screw up parts in the concert. Malaguena, La Cuccaracha, Pirates, Obla Di Obla Da, and Sleepers Awake to name a few. Despite that, I think we owned the stage that night. Hearing the solo pieces and the group items from behind the screen was awesome. I had regrets that I screwed up those parts, but what's even more sad is that the seniors are officially stepping down after Glissando, and it will be the last time that I ever performed with them. It is sad that G2 sectionals may never be the same as before again, and the seniors who helped me so much were leaving for awhile to prep for the A's.

Obla-Di, Obla-Da, Life goes on. We're starting our practise without the J2s tomorrow. Do I still miss them? Yes I do. Although I do miss having ensemble and practises with them, I must move on. That is perhaps the most difficult part. I'm not the type of person who will force myself to look forward in situations like these. I would rather be immersed in these memories until time washes them away from me. "Not what a guy is supposed to do", "That's damn gay and weak of you to do that", if you're thinking of stuff like these right now, I don't really care. That's just who I am sometimes.

Nevermind that. Thanks to all the J2s who made this journey such an awesome one. May you achieve success in your examinations and future endeavours. I know not what my fate in Guitar is, whether I'll make it to the Exco or become an SL, but what I know is that everything I do for this CCA I do it with my heart and soul, just like what some of my seniors did. I'm giving it everything I got. Perhaps that's all I need to know.

ACGE 4Eva. Hahaha

Updates Soon

2010-05-09T07:41:00.001-07:00

I want to do some updates on my Glissando.... but right now I'm too tired to do so. Will probably do it some other day.

Rantings...

2010-05-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

Recently I just saw a facebook group titled "Singapore is NOT China" on one of my friend's wall. Curious, I decided to take a look. They always say : "Curiousity kills the cat". What I got for my curiousity was anger. Anger towards how insensitive and immature some Singaporeans can be.

Yes. Of course Singapore is NOT China. Anyone knows that. It doesn't take a genius to identify the geographical differences between China and Singapore. However, as I browsed through the comments there, I came across stuff like:

1. "my teacher from china asked us to do an article on china. i asked why and she said because we are chinese,which makes us linked to china. HELLO? i am a singaporean? not a china chinese?
PLUS
CHINA cyclist near my home are cycling their bikes super fast as if they are in china.They even rode their bikes across the bus stop! You see them,they dont ... See Moregive way to you. They even sped up. Nearly got knocked down by them for alot of times. I HATE CHINA PEOPLE TO THE MAX.
they complain about singapore plus singaporeans. Then what for they come here? GO BACK CHINA LA."

2. "why gov accept the PRC creatures?bcos they can speak mandarin which our gov promote.
Abdullah Mohd Aziz - Agree with u that foreigners are welcome, anyone that goes to other country should and must adapt to language and culture of that country.
Example if you were to go any part of the world you must at least try learn their language(... See Morebasic) to communicate.
The chinese national that work here expect us to understand their national language.
Pity to the Foreign Domestic Helper(maid) need to pass ENGLISH test lor..."

3."they talk so loud as if the other party were deaf and they got no sense of courtesy or manners like spitting their saliva and their accent is sooo damn awful. im so disgusted.. please stop this alien migrate to our country. And they are so damnnnn kiasu . With this kinda of attitute, they don't fit in our society. our ...society is unique in singlish not loud speaking mandarin."

And the list goes on and on.... These are just some randomly-selected comment which I think are a good representation of immature comments. If you are interested to read them all, there are about 164 of them on the wall of the facebook group.

Actually I'm quite upset about the whole "Singaporean Chinese" and "China Chinese" issue. I personally don't see the difference. Most "Singaporean Chinese" had parents and ancestors who were from Chaozhou (Teochew) , FuJian (Hokkien) and Guangdong (Hakka). I daresay almost all of the so-called "Singaporean Chinese" have origins from one of these provinces. You can deny this fact by saying "I was born right here in Singapore", but you cannot deny the fact that you are Chinese.

You share the same Mother Tongue, practise the same culture as the Chinese people worldwide, not just in China. I'm not looking at the geographical aspect, but I'm focusing on the fact that no matter which country you're born in, we're all Chinese and hence I really don't see why we still have to draw such a clear border between us. So what if you're a Chinese born in the US? Or Singapore? Or China? Or Malaysia?

Wouldn't it be a ridiculous thing if you have Chinese blood flowing in you and yet you tell someone "Oh no there is a distinct difference. We are Singaporeans. They are Chinese". Paradoxical, isn't it? How we recite the pledge everyday that "Regardless of race, language or religion", we aim to build a "democratic society based on justice and equality". Some of us have recited the pledge for more than 10 years of their lives, and here we are, looking down on people from China just because they speak English with an accent, and have a poor command of the language, and have the habit of speaking loudly, and some of their behaviour is unacceptable.

I do not disagree with the fact that I have my own share of unpleasant experiences of working with them. But that is DEFINATELY NOT a reason to show prejudices. I despise those who says "Go back to China because you're snatching all our jobs" or "Go back to China. Your behviour sucks". Firstly, it's a competitive world. There are no such thing as "reserved jobs" in society. Want a job? Then you have to compete with the millions of people around the world who share your views. Secondly, who are you to determine whether someone's behaviour sucks or not? Saying that China people are rude and impolite but yet you yourself are making such racist comments on the internet. Does this make your behaviour "acceptable"?

I have my own share of bad experiences too. But that doesn't mean I'm prejudiced against them. Just because you've met a certain bunch of rude chinese people means that the whole billion of them are like that. Who are you to determine the behaviour of an entire country? Singapore has their own bunch of inconsiderate people too. Does this mean all Singaporeans are inconsiderate? I'm sure you'll all disagree with that.

Singapore is a multi-racial society. I know that having prejudices is a part of human nature. What's important is that we have to try our best to accept these differences. If we can't even do that, and I'm not even talking about between races here. This example has Chinese people despising Chinese people. If we can't even do that, or try our best to do that, how can we hold our head up high and tell other people that we are a "multi-racial" society?

We're not perfect, so please stop the elitist thinking that just because we have a better command of English, we're much more civilised than those who struggled to get their subject-verb agreement correctly. Even we have trouble doing that sometimes.

Here's food for thought for the so-called "Singaporean Chinese" who despises their own Mother Tongue and hates Chinese people because they speak it with an accent:

Will you still be proud to call yourself Chinese if you can't even understand the foundations of which your race was built on?

2010-04-27T07:21:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life is just odd, twisted and complicated. I must be going through a Philadelphia, especially when you know someone's the one for you and yet life's arrangement just coincidentally denies you that opportunity. Note the word "coincidentally". You can't really blame life, but at the same time you lament it for taking away what seemed like the one person whom you truly like.

I don't blame life, but I wonder why life has decided to play my life out in this way. You asked me why do I always listen to that one particular song, and I replied that the song touches a certain part of you which you don't understand, and I said it reminds you of certain things. Everytime I listen to that song I'm reminded of something which I thought I had forgotten already. It's a bittersweet feeling. Painful but at the same time you don't want it to stop.

I'm not one who likes to live in memories.... but things like that are becoming increasingly hard to forget. It took me some strength and time to do it the first time, but can I do it the second time? I'll leave that answer for time to decide, but right now I choose to replay that song again.

I know we always say "Hey we need to move on". But right now, I don't want to move on. I'm afraid one day we'll be total strangers with each other. Before that day comes, let me do my all to etch my memories with you inside my head, no matter how insignificant they are.

I hope you find happiness, at the same time I wished that happiness was mine. Oh, what a hypocrite I am. Haha.

BUSY!!!

2010-04-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

Hi blog.

Seems I've left you alone for quite some time. There hasn't been much free time for me to blog since school and CCA started. Life has been busy, with all the lecture-tutorial system draining the life out of me, ending school at 4:30pm despite having loads of breaks. Honestly I would rather have many lessons crammed together and go home early instead of having loads of breaks and end school late. Sometimes that's just the way the world works. Fair? I think so. Even as I'm typing this, which I shouldn't because the opportunity cost for me doing so would be too great (unfinished work and all), but sometimes the need to do a little reflection really helps alot. SJI thing, ya know. Hahaha. Even as the years pass, even as you hate doing so much reflections in school, when you actually leave the place, the habit sort of sticks with you for perhaps a lifetime. I miss SJI. I really do.

But that's beside the point. I realised that as I have many more tasks to manage in my life, I tend to really lose control of my priorities. Let's see the upcoming tasks for this week.

1. Revise and complete tutorials in time.
2. Practise Guitar Competition pieces
3. Practise my Grade 5 guitar stuff.
4. Math Tuition
5. GP Tution (Yes my GP is not good)
6. Guitar Competition on Saturday
7. Titong Meeting on Sunday which is super extremely important.

For task number 1, I fail terribly at it. Procrastinating is not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. And yet, my attention span on my work is less than 20 minutes. Curse this attitude of mine. Sometimes I ask myself why. Why this is happening to me. A voice inside me always responds by saying "Because you're not strong enough".

2. Competition's on saturday. I won't spend too much time harping on it. I just hope that my first performance goes well. I did spend alot of time on it, at least practising during the weekends or when I get home from CCA. So much so that my own Grade 5 pieces have been neglected to the point that I still have to sight read my exam pieces. I need to squeeze time into practising my exam pieces.

3. Won't say too much on my tuition. Although I would really appreciate the free time to go gym or something since I'm getting unfit and my tummy's becoming bigger, it's what I have to do in order to at least understand what's going on in school. Sometimes I wished I was a genius, but who doesn't? Just got to suck it up.

4. Titong stuff. Yes I do enjoy what I'm doing, but it's not without its difficulties. Especially when I have such high expectations on this year's Exco Invesiture. It's going to be a whole new concept, and there are definately alot of things that we have to work on. Yes it is frustrating and tiring sometimes, but I'm not going to give up. I'll see it through no matter what. So please work with me, and let's create the best Exco Invesiture ever.

Anyway, sometimes I really feel damn tired, to the point where I can just fall asleep on my desk. Of course, in reality I can't really do that since I have loads of stuff to catch up. Who isn't tired nowadays? The most important thing is how you are able to persevere on and keep moving even though your brain tells you "It's enough". So I'll have to keep on walking, even if guided by sheer willpower alone.

DEAD

2010-03-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

My blog is dead. Really. And I'm kinda lazy to update it..... Ahh too busy too busy too busy.....

Please Take A Second Look

2010-02-26T05:51:00.000-08:00

I noticed I tend to behave oddly around girls, especially when I'm around my classmates and OG mates. I'll share some of these things here.

1. I tend to crack jokes. Alot. Unnecessary ones. ALOT of unnecessary jokes.

2. I tend to suan them alot.

3. This is the most weird. I will start saying nonsensical stuff to myself.

4, I will tend to whine a little too. WHINE. Can you believe it?

As a result of these 4 behaviours, I have OG mates who thinks every sentence that comes out of my mouth is an insult. And i may become a serious pain in the ass sometimes. If I saw me, I would dislike me.

I do that because sometimes I just don't know how to react in front of girls. Then I will do this auto-switch into my "Stupid and Annoying mode". It's not really my true self la... I am not that mean. And I don't mean 99% of the stuff I say.

It's a flaw, but it does not truly reveal who I am. I guess it might be some sort of mask that I unconsciously wear on my face. It's like... I know this is happening but every time I try to tear it from my face, it sticks on even harder than before. How can I ever remove it? Bit by bit I guess.

I always thought that humour brings people closer together. Hence I have all these retarded stuff coming out of me. Apparently it's not always the case. Hence, I'm at a lost of what to do. When this happens I may seem odd.

Just wanna let you all know that you're awesome and please do give me a chance to let me show you who I really am. You might ask "Why didn't I do this earlier?"
Well, it's a long story and I really wished that I could share it with you, but it's something that is hidden waaay down. I wish I could, really.

Who in the world likes being the "mean one" or the "lame one"?. It's meant to be a rhetorical question. No jokes with the first word of the paragraph please.

Bottled Up

2010-02-23T08:39:00.000-08:00

Before I joined ACJC, I always thought that regardless of who you are, AC=Snobs and arrogant bastards who are self-centered. This, is of course wrong. I have had many nice friends in the college and I'm really thankful for that. I love the school. I really do.

I had a drastic change of opinions for ACJC. Despite that, I believe that many people still share the above opinions about AC. I went down to a school to sell my coupons today and it was honestly one of the most embarrassing and awkward moment ever. Wearing the uniform inside makes you look like a live target for people to direct their cold-stares and perhaps insults on. It pisses me off but I think I can't really blame them for what they think now, since I shared similar opinions too. I guess it's hard to convince them to think otherwise. Don't think they'll ever know the full story until they actually study there.

However, I did notice some common questions and I wanted to post some thoughts about it. So here goes:

1. Your school is so rich already. Why must you raise funds?

Firstly, all the sports facilities you see in ACJC were all raised by previous Fun-O-Ramas which took like... at least 10-20 years perhaps. Of course there are donations but majority of the hard work goes to the members of the school to set up stalls and come down to your school to sell coupons. Mind you, we're raising funds almost by ourselves to make the school better. Please do not criticize us for ripping your beloved cash away from you. We don't like to do it too. Sometimes we have no choice. Despite that, we're really sincere in what we say to you. Your help is really appreciated.

2. Telling them that you're from AC is as good as throwing away your opportunities to sell the coupons.

Because of the opinion I've talked about in the beginning, many people turn their heads away immediately when they hear anything "AC" related. You don't need to be a psychologist to read their minds.

With regards to the trend above, I just want to point out that your school, no matter how "humble" you think it is, houses snobs and bastards too. Please do not do all this "school-profiling" thing even though it's difficult for you to stop thinking stuff like that since you don't understand the AC school culture well. It's definately not one that encourages pragmatism and turns angels into demons. School profiling is unfair, and I think that "whispering" stuff like "ACJC sucks" to a group of less than 20 ACJC students in your school just shows us how much balls you have.

It's an unfair thing to do, because everyone have different personalities. Not everyone is a slut/bastard. Same goes for your school. Don't judge a book by its cover, and more importantly someone from his/her uniform. Give yourself a chance to know someone else better by looking at the person's personality instead. Don't leave a bad impression of your school in our hearts. I believe it won't be nice to both parties.

So.... In conclusion, we're students like you do. We have to take A'Levels and we are definately not a party school. It's pretty stupid if you thought we were something else. So... why see us differently when in fact all of us are the same? Is it because of the uniform we're wearing now? Is it fair to stereotype a person you don't know from a particular institute just because you've had nasty experiences or heard rumours about them?

Frankly we don't deserve that. This is why I try to shun away from any forms of sterotypes and racial profiling. I think this is just unfair to the person who is the target of all your shit.

Happy CNY.... Maybe

2010-02-13T17:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not pessimistic about Chinese New Year. After all, it is an occasion where families get together and sit around the table for a reunion dinner, catch up about all the things they have done recently, be it investments or business or schoolwork. Then they will go visiting relative's houses to collect Red Packets and perhaps sell some Fun-O-Rama coupons. Hahahaha. It is a time to rejoice in the reunion of families and just immerse yourself in the warmth and comfort of your family.

All those scenarios described above, does not usually fit me. I won't whine about how I have no relatives in Singapore because most of them are like... in different parts of the world. but being denied experiences like these made me cynical about CNY. Although I do collect Red Packets from my parents, well I still feel that all those "festivities" and the "mood" is missing. To make matters worse, my mom left Singapore to Europe for a businesstrip during CNY eve because there is some telecomm show held by the people there.

Nicely done, ang-mohs. Don't you know this appointment is made 5000 years ago already?

So here I am, typing this post because there is this irritating sense of emptiness inside of me, emptiness cause perhaps by loneliness and alot of other things. Oh well, since I'm an " I " person (MBTI thing), I should be okay with it. After all, I've been living with myself for so long.

Happy Chinese Valentine's Day Everyone

Uncertainty kills

2010-02-11T05:35:00.000-08:00

Uncertainty kills, and it's killing me right now.

That's why I've made a decision.

I just want to move on with my life, if you want to go with me, awesome.

If you don't, please just tell me so that at least I won't be tortured by my own thoughts.

Sometimes I just wanna be sure

Reflections

2010-02-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what 5 days can do to a group of strangers coming from different schools. Looking back at these eventful days, I'm amazed at how we grew to bond together and also how we grew closer to each other. I still remember the first day when we introduced ourselves to each other. Sheriff (Zhan Hong) definately didn't talk much, Winston was basically silent, and most of us were still awkward with each other. After that day, through the games and activities, especially Scrabble, I started opening myself more to all of you. By the time we played the Shampoo game I can say that I'm totally in love with this group. I'm sure most of you all started to become more active in the group too.

It's really awesome the way we cheered each other on in games, how we all complained that certain lectures and totally boring and a waste of our precious time, and how we all agree that sitting in the hall for freaking 6 hours bores the hell out of us.

Campfire totally rocked. We were screaming at the top of our lungs despite having sore throats and joined human trains going nowhere again and again. It was totally awesome. At the end, the fact that we're all going to go into our individual classes next week just suddenly dawned on me. Just when we are so familiar and so bonded with each other, we're splitting up. Well.... although it cannot be avoided, I was still feeling kinda emotional when I bade farewell to all of you. I wonder if I'll ever be in the same class as you, but chances of that kinda little I guess considering my subject combinations. The thought that we might have little chances of seeing each other again once the workload is dumped on us like how a garbage truck dumps garbage into the landfill.

Anyway, all of this wouldn't be possible without our awesome fantastic wonderful and amazing OGLs, Kelly, Renaldy and Joanna. They stuck with us and never stopped encouraging us, always reminding that they're there for us when we need them and true enough, they fufilled their promise. MAIM would never be the same without you, and I couldn't even imagine what it will be like if the 3 of you hadn't reached out your hand deep into our hearts. I think it's worth repeating this again: MAIM OGLs are awesome fantastic wonderful and amazing. I Love You.

Aaaaannnnd to all MAIM OG mates, you are definately one of the most terrific OG mates ever. I had so much fun with you guys. I know some of the stuff here are kinda weird and maybe a little mushy, and it's not something that a guy will usually write but I just figured that since I have the inspiration right after campfire, I might as well let these ideas flow out of my mind and into my fingertips. I will most definately treausre these memories and I just wanted to say that I love you all so much because you have given me so much, more than what I asked for in the first place.

Orientation Ends, but MAIM stays on forever. This is just the beginning. I'll work hard to make it last. I hope I've been a nice OG Rep to you. MAIM FTW!

2010-01-27T07:36:00.000-08:00

Please tell me I'm not cheated.

New Paths

2010-01-27T07:14:00.000-08:00

So here I am...

Walking into a new life tomorrow.

I'm nervous

I'm excited

I'm uncertain

I hope that everything will turn out fine.

Courage Jerry....

Walk On. Keep Walking. You'll make it.

Hello

2010-01-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

Yes I was waken at freaking 7:13am today.

I was posted to ACJC Arts.

Am I happy?

Actually, I'm more exhausted than happy since I slept like about 5 hours plus.

Hope I can fit well into the class.

And hopefully get a scholarship too. I know it's not cheap studying there.

Haha. At least I have a place to go now

Bye Bye Beautiful

2010-01-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

Finally the hills are without eyes
They are tired of painting a dead man`s face red
With their own blood

They used to love having so much to lose
Blink your eyes just once and see everything in ruins

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful


Jacob`s ghost for the girl in white
Blindfold for the blind
Dead siblings walking the dying earth

Noose around a choking heart
Eternity torn apart
Slow toll now the funeral bells

”I need to die to feel alive”

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

It`s not the tree that forsakes the flower
But the flower that forsakes the tree
Someday I`ll learn to love these scars
Still fresh from the red-hot blade of your words

...How blind can you be, don`t you see...
...that the gambler lost all he does not have...

Did you ever hear what I told you
Did you ever read what I wrote you
Did you ever listen to what we played
Did you ever let in what the world said
Did we get this far just to feel your hate
Did we play to become only pawns in the game
How blind can you be, don`t you see
You chose the long road but we`ll be waiting

Bye bye beautiful

Hormones? Maybe....

2010-01-22T06:11:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure about you, but ever had this feeling where you see your friends getting girlfriends and all, there is this bit of jealousy or envy poking you inside. You'll have this voice inside you which says "Damn I wished I had a girlfriend. Lucky bastard".

This thought could go either way.

You can go "Damn I'm in an all boys school. How in the world am I going to get a girlfriend if I don't have many female friends to start with? " and you'll go FML and continue to envy those people who have girlfriends and all and part of you wished that they were dead. Haha

Another way is that you will actually try to be like them and start courting girls and all. A long process but when you finally succeed and after some later, you suddenly realised that having girlfriends and all requires alot more time and committment that you thought. And suddenly you find that you are not prepared for this. At all.

You begin to question "Why did I ever do that in the first place?" and you find yourself not being able to answer your own question. You're at a loss and you start to wonder "This isn't what I wanted. Shit". Then you begin to neglect her and lose contact till the point where the both of you break up. It's not that you're fickle, it's just that perhaps you feel that it's a strain or you feel that you're not ready for stuff like that because you don't know what you really want.

At the end of the day, what you get is only regret and guilt because you literally mutilated someone's heart, but alas, what can you do? I guests no words can describe your feelings at that time. It's a mixture of all the negative emotions, and you feel as if you've taken the most disgusting food or something. Something like blended cheeseburger with blue cheese and raw intestines or something.

And then you'll start blaming yourself with this question, "If I'm not ready, why the fuck did I get involved in the first place?" or "Congratu-fucking-lations. You've just hurt someone real bad. I hope you're happy, asshole". It'll start to feel really awful. You hope to reconcile but you are too ashamed of what you've done so you just leave it alone.

So after you're through with all that, you know what's worse? The process repeats itself. When it happens from square one again... you are most probably going to say the following:

**** my darn hormones.

Full Circle

2010-01-21T05:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, today I went out with the Hong Kong Exchange group again to Sentosa. Haha this was the place where we first met 2 years ago. Now we've come full circle. Actually this is a meaningful outing as this would probably be the last time we'll ever get together again, because all of us are starting school in different institutions scattered across the island. We'll all be busy with our own stuff, so who knows when we'll get together like today again?

Anyway, I'll talk about today's activity before moving on to personal feelings and stuff. So... we met outside Food Republic at about 12pm, because Bryan Ong was late and Myles was fooling around with us. Took the monorail to the Beach Station thanks to Samantha's Islander tickets. We found a spot at Siloso Beach under the shade of coconut trees with no coconuts on them and began our picnic.

Now that I think about it, I'm really sorry for not bringing any food today. It's not that I'm lazy or something, but it's just that I'm really not good at making food. Even if I brought, it would just be bottled drinks and chips, which I believe its nothing special. And the food you guys brought were absolutely DELICIOUS. Lizzi's sandwich, Samantha's Sushi and fruits, Myles's chicken and Peter's Fried Bee Hoon. I haven't had a picnic for god knows how long, but the experience was really unique. Haha.

After food we played Monkey with the Netball Peter brought. It all seemed to go well until Peter did a volleyball smack on the ball with his fist. The ball went flying and hit a little girl on the head, which made her cry. We felt damn guilty.

All right.... Fast forwarding to the Luge ride. We almost wanted to cancel the Luge Ride because it was raining, but eventually the sky cleared and we can proceed with what we planned. The skyride was peaceful and romantic, if you are sitting beside with your girlfriend or something. Oh well, it feels nice too with Bryan Ong, Not that I'm gay but yeah you feel peaceful and happy sitting beside good friends too. The Luge Ride is short. A little too short for $11.

After the Luge we went to play some games at the beach. I swear "Freeze and Melt" is really the most fun game ever. Fun, and tiring. Afterwards I went for a shower. Showering after a day of activities is really the best thing ever. Too bad the girls didn't bring extra clothes. After that was dinner, and then home.

Haha now to the personal feelings section.

Actually I was really feeling abit sad when I left the train with Bryan Ong. Honestly you guys have really given me alot of wonderful memories throughout the 2 years. Looking back, I really feel that I've kinda neglected you guys during the HK trip with my little emotional episodes, but haha I hope it's still not too late for me to tell you all that you are really one of the best groups of people I've met. Emotional stuff come and go, but you guys have been with me throughout two years. I really appreciate that and I shall write all of your names here:

Myles
Samantha
Hillary
Tim
Peter
Lizzi

You are all awesome people. I wish all of you success in the future, and I hope that our friendship will never fade. Haha sounds like some textbook thing right?

Well before we all set out for different paths, I just hope that the HK people who have a chance to view this blog can take time to listen to this song by Kousuke Atari

Success and GodSpeed my Friends!

I hate FLU.

2010-01-17T21:09:00.000-08:00

I officially hate the flu. I mean, I never liked it in the first place, but I never hated it that much either before. It's horrible to still feel completely exhausted even after 9 hours of sleep. And the fact that your nose is clogged like a drain filled with rubbish only rubs salt to the wound. It totally spoils my activities for the day. Actually I wanted to go to the gym for a workout, but because of this dumb flu, I can't. So I have to stay home and live the life of a pig. And... today I actually wanted to try to choreo some simple moves for the upcoming pre-camp briefing skit, but because of this flu, the inertia to actually practise them becomes even greater. I'm so gonna die for the rehearsal on Sunday.

Well, speaking of the ZB SSC skit, here are some moves I was looking up on the internet to be used as an entrance for the characters:

1. Butterfly Kick
2. Butterfly Twist
3. Cartwheel
4. Flagpole (No need to hold it for very long)

So... I'm still thinking of that. I'm gonna learn it first and hopefully teach it successfully to them. If not I'll just download the video and show them la. Anyway, back to Youtube. Ciao

I need some retail therapy.

2010-01-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

I'm finally done with JAE at like... 12am today. Haha. It has definately been one of the most tiring things ever, choosing schools and attending open houses one after another, although the latter was fun. Hanging out together with Yustynn, Max, Ian and Thomas has been a really fun experience. The open houses were really awesome too because we got familiar people to show us around, so that we won't be provided with politically correct answers when we ask sensitive questions such as "Does your school have a strong sense of school spirit and culture?", or "The girls here hot or not?". Haha.

Now that I'm finally done with it, I really need to go relax abit. I've been thinking of retail therapy, so maybe I'll head down to Ion or something to check out the stores there. I really liked the Uniqlo T-shirts, cheap and comfortable. Maybe I'll get some today.

I guess this marks the end of Phase II. Haha it's time to relax again now before the posting results come out.

Finalizing In Process

2010-01-13T17:43:00.001-08:00

My tuesdays and wednesdays were spent visiting open houses, like many other applicants of the JAE. Went to open houses of 3 schools that I'm interested in/asked to check it out by my parents. So I went to CJ, AC and NJ. I know there were many more open houses but unfortunately I can't be in many places at one time.

Visiting open houses really helps me understand the school much better. So now I probably have an idea of which schools I want to pick. A little change in my plans for the CLEP, and now I'm porpbably putting TJ as my 2nd choice. First choice may be ACJC because I was really impressed by their open house. I don't mind NJ too if I could get in, but I guess if I really went there I would mug until I die. So... I hope that I can get into the school of my choice.

Probably read about this loads of times

2010-01-12T09:03:00.001-08:00

My O'Level results can be interpreted in many different ways:

1. This is the first time I've ever gotten a single digit since 4 years. 9 Points. That's an improvement I guess. I should be happy. Real happy.

2. I finally got an A1 in English after all the stupid B's and C's for the past 3 years. I should feel happy.

3. My HMT is an A2 instead of the B4 or even C5 or C6. I should feel happy.

4. I managed to get my act together after MYEs. I should be happy that I'm not getting double digit.

5. My Languages and Combined Humanities saved my ass. Literally. If not for those I'll be dead. I should be jumping for joy.

Notice the words "should be". Anyone reading this would know that I'm not. 9 points. I'm not trying to mock those who got 10 and above but to me, 9 points is enough to make me regret for a long time, because there are certain subjects which disappointed me to the core.

1. My Literature. I still don't understand why I got a B3. I expected an A1, I felt so damn good about the paper and now, freaking B3. If I had gotten an A1 I would have been able to go VJ and NJ already.

Is this some kind of sign from God to get me stuck somewhere in the middle? So close but yet so far.... Now I have to make decisions in a very narrow range. Hopefully I can get into the school I want, which is probably TJC where I'll try to apply for the CLEP program. I guess I'm better at Languages than Sciences and Math, drill drill drill only get A2. I won't want to suffer in Science stream, so probably have to go arts.

I have set my mind on CLEP course in TJC. I hope I'm eligible for it. I hope A2 for HMT, A1 for Chinese and A1 for English is enough. Haha Julia if you're reading this could you give me some info on CLEP or any Humanities program in TJ if you know any? Sorry to trouble you.

I'm thinking ACJC, VJC, NJC too. Will try for NJC and VJC arts. I went to CJC open house today. Although the facilities has seen better days, it feels kinda heartwarming. I'm considering that too. But anyway, TJC is still my first choice. I really hope I can go there. Only till then will I be fully relieved. Even though the distance is far, but I'll suck it up. It's just 2 years. I'm gonna stick it through no matter what if I go there.

It is Getting More And More Boring

2010-01-08T07:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, My blog is becoming more and more boring. Even I am bored reading my own posts. I think I'm having the writer's block, where absolutely nothing comes into my head when I'm staring at the computer screen. I wish this would change. I miss the days where ideas would just flow freely from my mind and into the keyboard, but now it seems that they are all stuck in a certain part of my brain, as if a huge dam is blocking them. Hate this feeling, but I can't do anything about it. Should I delete this and start over? Or should I delete this and never create another blog again? I don't know. I have more important things on my mind.

Yes, you guessed it. What else besides the O'Level Results? I believe it's on every Sec 4's mind now. I'm having mixed feelings about how my results will turn out now. On one hand I think that I will achieve my goal, and on the other hand I keep on thinking of uncertainties. Uncertainty is frightening. For example, during an injection you're probably more nervous or afraid during the time where the needle does not stick into your flesh. That's the thing. You don't know what will happen. More often am I haunted by uncertainties of how my results will turn out. Will it be good or bad? Will I jump for joy or weep? Will I be contended with my performance or regret again? I don't know. I really don't know.

And that is what precisely is killing me.

Whatever it is, God just give me enough strength to accept it, and hopefully it'll be well. I need this more than ever.

Results on the 11th.... Blah Blah Blah

2010-01-06T17:14:00.000-08:00

Finally there's a confirmation of the date. If I told you that I didn't care about my results, that would be bullshit. How can I not? I've been having dreams and nightmares about it since after the exams ended. And as the day draws closer, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I screwed up for the O's. And the more I think about that the more afraid I get, as if my future will just collapse right in front of me. Screw this paranoia. Look forward. Arghh

Fooled

2010-01-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". I guess this is the second time I've been fooled. Once I thought you forgot about me, but when you said you didn't, well I believed it. So I spend time selecting and copying all those stuff, hoping it would really help you if you ever need it.

And I was thick-skinned enough to arrange this meeting, just to wait freaking 40 minutes like some damn idiot. When you finally came with your whole bunch of friends that's when I knew that to you, I'm not actually that important. I felt tired and frustrated. So you know what?

I don't give a damn anymore. You can just fucking throw the stuff I gave you into the bin and i won't give a shit. Last time I'll ever do something foolish like that.

Hope you're happy. Screw so-called "Friendship"

I wish you success. Really

Chinese Songs

2010-01-03T04:59:00.000-08:00

A recent trip to the KTV with my parents made me realise that I should be born in the 80's. Because I can only sing songs belonging to that age. It was also during the KTV session where I realised that music during the 80's is totally awesome, one of the best I've ever heard. A little old fashioned, maybe, but it's the period of time where alot of focus is put on their singing abilities instead of outward appearances and advertising. Check out some videos below. They're my personal favourites:

王馨平 - 別問我是誰

情人的眼泪-林忆莲

This version is quite new... co-produced by Dick Lee

Well maybe I'll just upload these two.... Haha call me old fashioned...

1st Attempt: Fail

2009-12-30T01:35:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to video a cover of SUJU's "Sorry Sorry" for a long time. Since I first saw the video I've been thinking that I want to do a cover of this and upload it to erm... facebook? So I started to learn the dance, doing it in front of my mirror after school and checking to see whether I did the moves correctly. Well, since it's the holidays now, I figured that I might as well do it. I mean, how difficult can this get?

So I started my Trial No.1 today. It didnt look so good since my grandparents were at home and it got really awkward. Plus, I look like some retard in front of the mirror and forgot most of the choreo.

This has definately been a setback. But I will get it done. Get it done, I will. Back to spamming "Sorry Sorry Dance Videos".

This is what I sent to SPH.

2009-12-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

As the title goes... yeah. I sent this just yesterday because i was editing it for about a million times. Hope it works, Hope it's good, Hope they like it and publish it. Screw the cash. I want to see the published work more.

上海随笔

中国是我经常去的地方，无论是和家人旅行或者是参加学校交流活动。其中，上海是我去过次数最多的地方。因此，坐在前往上海的飞机时，我对这次的旅行并没有太大的期望。根据以往到上海的经验，在上海除了购物，还是购物。上海的外滩，南京路步行街和徐家汇我已经去过无数次了。但是这一次的旅行不但给了我许多惊喜，也让我发现了我心目中的另一个上海。

从“绿”到“灰”

如果新加坡是“花园城市”，那么上海就是“建筑博物馆”，收藏了许多现代和旧式的房子。以往我对上海那密密麻麻的高楼大厦感到非常不习惯。周围的钢筋水泥给我的感觉就像陷入十面埋伏一样，不管走到哪里除了楼房就是商业区，一点儿绿色都没有。但在上海走过了许多街道和看过形形色色的建筑后，我对这个水泥森林渐渐地有了不同的认识。你可以在陆家嘴看到豪华高级的住宅，在衡山路看到优雅宁静的老洋房，也可以在像闸北区的地方找到一些比较简陋破旧的房子。那些楼房的油漆大部分已经剥落，墙壁上也出现许多裂痕，看起来像一座座被风化的古堡。但是，房子虽然简陋，这才是一部分上海市民真正居住的地方。站在闸北区天目东路的天桥上，眼前的街道映入眼帘。一栋栋灰色楼房，在尘土飞扬的马路边买西瓜的老太太，桥下行乞的人，将我心目中繁华上海的绚丽色彩蒙上了灰色的忧伤。

一顿饭的威力

上海的美食数不胜数，从街边小摊到高级饭馆，都有令人垂涎三尺的美食。只要你肯冒这个险，你就会从一日三餐中发现许多惊喜。刚到上海的那天晚上，原本打算到酒店旁边的便利店买点东西吃。结果在门口看到一条小胡同，里头有一家名叫“麻辣联盟”的小饭馆。饭馆里的装修非常简陋，但是食物便宜又可口，物超所值，也是许多打工族吃夜宵的地方。

在上海就是这样。不管是吃川菜也好，粤菜也好，坐在餐桌前的人虽然有不同的文化背景和语言，但是吃饭是人类的共同语言，不分文化种族。因此，来自不同地方的人都可以在饭桌前谈古论今，互相交流。一张普通的餐桌也可以成为一个国际交流中心。不仅可以品尝到美食，还可以认识五湖四海的朋友。

有一次妈妈的朋友一家人带我们去一个叫“香港粗菜馆”的地方。名字虽“粗”，菜做得却非常精致，价格也十分公道。许多香港大明星比如甄子丹，洪金宝都去那里吃饭，并和饭馆的老板合影留念。品尝美食的时候我也和妈妈同事的儿子畅谈“中新”教育的不同，互相分享自己读书的经验。建议大家到上海时不妨到那家餐馆吃饭，包你大饱口福。

另一次，我们一家人连同不会说英文的奶奶和居住在上海的丹麦朋友一家到“宋记香辣蟹”吃晚餐。在品尝美食的同时，我们也了解丹麦人的文化习俗，比如他们能喝酒，爱吃辛辣食物，性格直率开朗，什么都能说，不像我们亚洲人那么保守。俗话说“酒逢知己千杯少，话不投机半句多”。几杯酒下肚，我们大家都畅所欲言，连我那不会说英文的奶奶也通过我这个翻译介绍了她过去的许多亲身经历。听着她的口述历史，仿佛走入时光机，回到过去的年代。那对丹麦夫妇也听的津津有味。我突然被眼前的景象所感动。餐桌前的人虽然来自完全不同的两个国家，但是仍然能够如此和谐亲密的交流，犹如兄弟姐妹一般。如果世界也是如此，没有战争，不分种族，地球村的人民能够快快乐乐的在地球这个大餐桌前开心的用餐谈天，那该有多美好啊！

师傅，请带我去….

出租车是上海的“流动景点”，这句“师傅，请带我去…”，在这次的旅行中也说了无数次了。凡是从外地到上海的人，无论是办工也好还是观光也好，都会坐上出租车。上海的出租车公司不胜枚举。清一色的大众“桑塔纳2000”上面印着不同公司的商标，红黄白绿的使上海的马路变成一道道彩虹。

上海的马路像迷宫一样，平时方向感不错的我上了上海的高速公路后把头都弄晕了。刚抵达上海的时候，出租车从机场到酒店的路上不知在几个高速公路上上下下，越看越糊涂。就连拥有10年开车经验的爸爸去年在上海开车时也被高速公路弄得晕头转向，绕了一圈又一圈。因此，我非常佩服上海的出租司机。能对上海的公路了如指掌，又能在这个大迷宫内穿梭自如，真的很不简单。

上海的出租司机属于低收入的工人。他们的工作时间漫长无聊，因此他们会向乘客们聊天诉苦。这也许也是他们娱乐和解闷的方法之一吧。有一次，当我们在虹桥机场送奶奶上飞机后，因为妈妈急着要去徐家汇办事，所以我们不想到楼下和其他人排队等出租，干脆直接在离境大堂寻找出租车。不料，许多出租司机告诉我们：“不是我们不要接这门生意，但是机场都有人盯着我们呢，如果接了会罚钱的”。后来我们终于找到了一位大胆的师傅肯在出境大堂那儿接客。他便开边跟我们说：“我们在这里做生意像做贼似的”，并骂了几句脏话。后来想想，为了多赚一些钱，那些司机愿意冒着被罚款的风险为我们这些“懒人”服务。想着相着，心里便产生一种罪恶感。

所谓“读万卷书，不如行万里路”。我相信这些出租司机们的生活也是多姿多彩的。他们每天都会有一种惊喜，因为你不可能知道下一个乘客会是谁，下一个地点到底是哪里。这会比每天在办公室面对一台电脑好得多吧。坐在出租车上和出租司机聊天，能够更深一步地了解上海市民的生活。就是这个原因，上海的出租车像一个时间囊一样，里面收藏着上海市民随着时代的进展而产生的快乐，烦恼，以及生活的酸甜苦辣。

上海，一个流连忘返的城市

坐在离开上海的飞机上，地下的建筑变得越来越渺小，密密麻麻的覆盖着上海的土地。飞机离开上海才不到十分钟，我已经开始想念那渐渐变得亲切的上海口音，穿梭在车流之间所带来的刺激和出租司机的唠叨。我发现要感受城市的灵魂并不难，只要张大眼睛仔细观察，就能够在最平凡的事情中发现一个城市的可爱之处。说也奇怪，上海看似纷乱拥挤，但是它并没有让我产生反感。在上海忙忙碌碌的人们，每个人都有不同的理想，而且都为了生活在努力的奋斗。虽然我就像人海里的一滴水珠，但我也感受到了这个城市奋发向上的精神。我也和他们一样，正在为自己的将来而努力拼搏。那一刻，我暂时忘记自己，完全沉浸在这种氛围之中，回味着上海带给我的惊喜。这次旅行让我对这个城市流连忘返，我想我还会再回来的，因为还有许多东西等着我去体会，去感悟。

Price of Revolution

2009-12-26T02:49:00.000-08:00

I just watched BodyGuards And Assassins yesterday with my family. It was the best movie I've seen so far this year, besides Angels and Demons. It's not just a normal Bodyguards vs Assassins or Good vs Evil flick, but it holds much deeper underlying meanings. It showed me an inkling of what a Revolution truly is. Revolution is not just about distributing flyers and staging demonstrations in order to fight for your rights and for what you believe in. Revolutions are much more violent than I ever imagined.

The protagonists, although they lead totally different lives, all come together to protect one man because of different reasons.This is the price of change, requiring the loss of innocent lives, lives that were not meant to be sacrificed but eventually did for one man's vision. To overthrow the Qing Dynasty to pave the way for a democratic China. By the people, for the people. No one will ever have the advantage over others, and everyone will have equal opportunities. That is perhaps what Dr. Sun had in mind. I'm not one who understands his theories well, but he is truly a great man in history. His revolution paved the way for modern China and ended centuries of aristocratic and authoritarian rule. Without him, I guess I'll still be living in a traditional chinese courtyard and be a young master of my family. Haha.

I guess Dr.Sun's cause is truly one that is worth dying for. I could feel the atmosphere and the passion of the supporters, and also feel the pain when the Bodyguards fell one by one to give Dr.Sun enough time (1 hour) to conclude his meeting and start the revolution.

Who cares about the Kung-Fu scenes? I believe that they are not the focus of the film. The main focus is about the unsung heroes who died for Dr, Sun's cause, who gave their lives to pave the way for a better tomorrow. It's cruel, but sometimes that is the only way.

Freelance Writing? Sounds good

2009-12-06T05:44:00.000-08:00

Due to my trip overseas, I didn't have enough time to find myself a part time job. Since there is only one month left, I'm sure no one wants to employ me now. So... I think i'll just try to write some chinese articles and sending it to Zaobao to see whether it would get published and I can get me some money. I'm not damn good in chinese but I figured that there's no harm to give it a shot. Let the inspiration begin!

Vanishing.... Vanishing.... Vanishing....

2009-11-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Guess the people who visit my blog is near zero now. So it's just me, myself and I reading my blog. Guess blogger templates and posts consisting of just texts are not attractive at all. But nevermind. I'm not sure about you, but it's a whole different feeling looking at this blog now. Although there are near zero visitors, but at least I am quite satisfied with what I wrote here.

To those that might pass by this simple haven of mine, I'm flying off in approximately 6 hours back to China to visit my relatives and enjoy abit of my vacation. I'll be off the grid, which means that I'll "vanish" for a week. Till then, Seeya!

What's Next?

2009-11-15T05:02:00.000-08:00

What comes after the last O'Level paper? Excitement, joy, freedom.

What comes after the day after the last O'Level Paper? Surrealism, boredom.

What comes after the day after that? Total boredom+ A TINY bit of anxiousness.

Is it just me or does everyone feel that way? Boredom+Anxiousness. Am I worried about how my result will turn out to be? Affirmative. I can't help but think about it sometimes, although I always tell myself to relax and throw these thoughts away.

Conclusion? I need something to do. Something that will occupy my mind to prevent me from getting anxious or nervous for no damn reason. I need more outings and stuff, I need to start thinking of conductive things to do, I may even need a job. Who knows? Any suggestions?

DoomsDay

2009-11-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

Must Doomsday occur, to make mankind set aside their differences and understand that they are actually part of one gigantic family that walks the face of the earth?

Must Doomsday occur, to make Man realise that you should never screw around with Nature?

Must Doomsday occur, to make Man see their true self before washing them into the Ocean of Regret and suffering?

Must Doomsday occur to make Man treasure what they have now?

Must Doomsday really occur?

I think only God knows that. But when it comes, I believe that we will show them the power of the human mind and spirit.

2009-09-05T07:13:00.000-07:00

Something is very very wrong with my Blogger. Everytime I enter the "Create Post" page it screws up the layout of the page. I have words that overlaps and appears on the textbox as I am typing this out. Some help? I don't want to start a new one yeah?

荷塘月色

2009-08-02T05:35:00.000-07:00

这几天心里颇不宁静。今晚在院子里坐着乘凉，忽然想起日日走过的荷塘，在这满月的光里，总该另有一番样子吧。月亮渐渐地升高了，墙外马路上孩子们的欢笑，已经听不见了；妻在屋里拍着闰儿，迷迷糊糊地哼着眠歌。我悄悄地披了大衫，带上门出去。
　　
沿着荷塘，是一条曲折的小煤屑路。这是一条幽僻的路；白天也少人走，夜晚更加寂寞。荷塘四面，长着许多树，蓊蓊(wěng)郁郁的。路的一旁，是些杨柳，和一些不知道名字的树。没有月光的晚上，这路上阴森森的，有些怕人。今晚却很好，虽然月光也还是淡淡的。
　　
路上只我一个人，背着手踱（duo)着。这一片天地好像是我的；我也像超出了平常的自己，到了另一个世界里。我爱热闹，也爱冷静；爱群居，也爱独处。像今晚上，一个人在这苍茫的月下，什么都可以想，什么都可以不想，便觉是个自由的人。白天里一定要做的事，一定要说的话，现在都可不理。这是独处的妙处，我且受用这无边的荷香月色好了。
　　
曲曲折折的荷塘上面，弥望的是田田的叶子。叶子出水很高，像亭亭的舞女的裙。层层的叶子中间，零星地点缀着些白花，有袅娜(niǎo,nuó)地开着的，有羞涩地打着朵儿的；正如一粒粒的明珠，又如碧天里的星星，又如刚出浴的美人。微风过处，送来缕缕清香，仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。这时候叶子与花也有一丝的颤动，像闪电般，霎时传过荷塘的那边去了。叶子本是肩并肩密密地挨着，这便宛然有了一道凝碧的波痕。叶子底下是脉脉(mò)的流水，遮住了，不能见一些颜色；而叶子却更见风致了。
　　
月光如流水一般，静静地泻在这一片叶子和花上。薄薄的青雾浮起在荷塘里。叶子和花仿佛在牛乳中洗过一样；又像笼着轻纱的梦。虽然是满月，天上却有一层淡淡的云，所以不能朗照；但我以为这恰是到了好处——酣眠固不可少，小睡也别有风味的。月光是隔了树照过来的，高处丛生的灌木，落下参差的斑驳的黑影，峭楞楞如鬼一般；弯弯的杨柳的稀疏的倩影，却又像是画在荷叶上。塘中的月色并不均匀；但光与影有着和谐的旋律，如梵婀(ē)玲(英语violin小提琴的译音)上奏着的名曲。
　　
荷塘的四面，远远近近，高高低低都是树，而杨柳最多。这些树将一片荷塘重重围住；只在小路一旁，漏着几段空隙，像是特为月光留下的。树色一例是阴阴的，乍看像一团烟雾；但杨柳的丰姿，便在烟雾里也辨得出。树梢上隐隐约约的是一带远山，只有些大意罢了。树缝里也漏着一两点路灯光，没精打采的，是渴睡人的眼。这时候最热闹的，要数树上的蝉声与水里的蛙声；但热闹是他们的，我什么也没有。
　　
忽然想起采莲的事情来了。采莲是江南的旧俗，似乎很早就有，而六朝时为盛；从诗歌里可以约略知道。采莲的是少年的女子，她们是荡着小船，唱着艳歌去的。采莲人不用说很多，还有看采莲的人。那是一个热闹的季节，也是一个风流的季节。梁元帝《采莲赋》里说得好：
　　
于是妖童媛(yuàn)女，荡舟心许；鷁(yì)首徐回，兼传羽杯；欋(zhào)将移而藻挂，船欲动而萍开。尔其纤腰束素，迁延顾步；夏始春余，叶嫩花初，恐沾裳而浅笑，畏倾船而敛裾(jū)。
　　
可见当时嬉游的光景了。这真是有趣的事，可惜我们现在早已无福消受了。
　　
于是又记起《西洲曲》里的句子：
　　
采莲南塘秋，莲花过人头；低头弄莲子，莲子清如水。今晚若有采莲人，这儿的莲花也算得“过人头”了；只不见一些流水的影子。这令我到底惦着江南了。
　　
这样想着，猛一抬头，不觉已是自己的门前；轻轻地推门进去，什么声息也没有，妻已睡熟好久了。

For those of you who don't read chinese, nevermind. The text above was written by a famous chinese author called Zhu Zi Qing. Why am I posting this? Because I had to copy one of this as a punishment for not bringing my chinese textbook. Well, not the whole text of course, because the version of the text in my textbook is edited. So I did, and to top it off, I wrote an extra 2 pages of reflections on it. Turned out to be quite well I think. So I'm attaching it here to. Have fun reading it. Hope it makes some sense. Give this poor guy some encouragement yeah?

文章里的荷塘月色，是美丽的，平静的。它像贝多芬的《月光》钢琴奏鸣曲一样，温柔，优美。读者这篇散文，我仿佛又听到那一段熟悉的旋律，安静又美妙。听着《月光》，脑海里浮现着作者背着手伫立在他熟悉的荷塘边欣赏月色。他闭上眼睛，嘴角边露出一丝微笑，也露出一丝醉意。俗话说“酒不醉人人自醉”，作者就是这样陶醉在夜晚的荷塘中，什么都不想，仿佛他已成为大自然的一部分。

也不知过了多久，他慢慢想起自己的凡尘俗事，不得不从梦中醒来。带着几分遗憾和惋惜，他慢慢地走回家，离开这片世外桃源。

也许，夹在天与地之间的人们是孤独的，只有欣赏和评价的权利，没有改变或保留的自由。景色一直都在，但是人么只能站在那里观赏，并像作者一样感到人类的渺小。有时候，大自然是残酷的，一直都在嘲笑人类，嘲笑他们无论怎样努力都不会赶上它，嘲笑他们的可怜。它像一个骄傲的孔雀一样，现世人展示它的美。

月光，依旧照着荷花，荷叶。荷塘边的杨柳依旧随着微风轻轻的摇曳。《月光》奏鸣曲，也在这荷塘的月色中轻轻地，轻轻地，弹出最后一段优美的旋律。曲子结束了，但是最后一个以Pianissimo弹出的乐符，依旧悬挂在空中，展现出大自然幽美，安静，害羞的一面。

Pro SNSD? Maybe....

2009-07-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

I don't know how long it has been since I came back to update this. Recently lots of things have been going on, mostly O'Level preparations. This is the period where you can actually feel the heat and pressure building up, I guess. Boon Hui, if you're reading this you're right. It sometimes makes your life living hell. Anyway, Thanks to Beethoven, Mozart, other classical composers like Verdi and SNSD for making my days a little better. Speaking of SNSD, it's something that I really want to talk about.

We all have dreams of becoming a star at some point in our lives. To me, I always wondered that it must feel good to be a celebrity. You are popular, you mix around with beautiful people, you live in a posh apartment and do whatever you want to do, and you always look really happy. That's the image that we get from the TV. I must admit that it was only recently that I truly realised that it's not always as easy as it appears to be. I got many examples from Disney, and most of all, SNSD themselves. I'm just stating a few examples, because I have more knowledge about them.

Being a star is difficult. Why? The first reason is because they have to preserve their image. It's like "Atticus is the same man in the courtroom as he is on the streets" concept. Sometimes, these images that they show to the public are not their real personality and image. It's a tough thing to do, and breaking the image will have repercussions. Look at Vanessa Hudgens for example. I don't hate her, I think she's beautiful and sweet, but when some photos of her private life was leaked, it seriously threatened her career. I believe that it was not her fault, but this is what will happen if Atticus Finch becomes a different man at home.

Also, I believe that as long as you are a celebrity, You will have anti-fans. Dealing with them is a difficult thing to do, especially when you are dealing with boycotting from fans. Check this out.

Notice something strange here? The stadium is pitch-dark instead of the usual waving of light sticks. Here's why. ELF, the fanclub of Super Junior, Triple S, fanclub of SS501, Cassiopeia, fanclub of DBSK has decided to remain silent and switch off their light sticks to protest against SNSD because some of their fans started turning violent and tore the SUJU banner. I was really sad when I watched the video. Does SNSD deserve that sort of treatment? I believe that they want to give a good show to the audience, like everyone else there. Why must they suffer because of mistakes made by their fans, who did go overboard to show their love for them.

Besides that, there have also been an uproar about SNSD being disrespectful, especially Tiffany who apparently said something disrespectful to ShinHwa, who are now an established and respected group in the K-Pop industry. Well it's hard for you to believe me since I like SNSD alot, but I have to say that I believe she meant no harm and had no malicious intents. Because of cultural differences and age, certain mistakes can be accepted and forgiven. They haven't been into the industry for too long, give them time to learn, I guess. About bashing groups, it can't be helped but boycotting a performance is really going overboard. It's not fair to the artiste, and it certainly does not make the overall show look good. Don't blame the artistes for the mistakes of the fans.

Whoa.... this post is soon turning into a defense for SNSD, mostly because I like their music and the group, and I honestly did feel quite sad to see such things happening to them. To sin is human, to forgive is divine. I know disrespect is a huge sin, especially in the entertainment industry, but don't keep bashing a group because of some really old events. I don't think anyone will feel entertained if you just talk about the same old event that ruined a celebrity's image. If you don't even give them a chance to change, you will never know their true intentions.

Anyway, I'll say it out loud on my blog now.

SNSD Hwaiting! Haha

2009-06-13T21:50:00.001-07:00

God knows how long have I not updated my blog. This holidays I'm trying to catch up with some revision. Don't think it's going very well. I've been waking up in the morning having desires to play my old PC games. Just dug out my Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic and started playing like some addict. Wasted like...2 days. What's worse is that I don't even feel guilty. Something is terribly terribly wrong. Shit man... I've gotta get myself back on track. Breathe Jerry. Breathe and get back on track.

I'm trying to substitue books and TV for computer time. So hence I'm saving up of alot of books and DVDs. Haha. I think I'll buy

1.Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer (Just need it to complete my collection. Read it before already)

2. Yakuza Moon by Shoko Tendo. Really great book about Yakuza stuff

3. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. That's definately worth reading again.

Now moving on to DVDs.

1. Detroit Metal City

2. Jumong. Have been wanting to watch that ever since it just came out.

3. Twilight perhaps? I know I know, there's something called "Video streaming online". Just for collection and stuff yeah?

That's alot of money. Haha.

Alright, getting back to work. Before I go I want to show you all my favourite, spastic, yan-qiang type commercial. Haha no offense yan qiang.

Check out the Heineken commercial that sent me into a spasm of laughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1ZZreXEqSY

Skeletons in the Closet

2009-05-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

Everyone has memories that they hide deep within their heart, especially painful memories that they bandanged carefully deep within their heart. You don't talk about it, even thinking about it makes you sad. If you have some memories like this, imagine this:

What would happen if someone just tore apart that bandage you spent weeks, months, or even years wrapping it around your heart? If you do, you probably understand how I'm feeling right now. It's literally deja vu. The past memories which I have been trying desperately to forget, to seal, to recover from just come rushing back at me. It hurts. To the point where I actually can feel blood just gushing out of my heart like a raging river.

It's not the point that I can't suck it up or I am taking this too seriously. Maybe you just didn't know the background story of this thing. If you do, then perhaps you'll understand. But thanks anyway. Appreciate it.

For those who just enjoy watching me fall, just remember that what you say will come back to you. And this time, I will be the one telling that to you straight at your face. I won't forget today. I swear I never will.

Sometimes I wish I can tell what happened to someone. So that whoever that listened will do something nice such as say some words of encouragement, offer advice and tips, or whatever it is you can do.Then things will be much easier. But somehow, like what I said in the beginning, this are some of the skeletons in my closet.

Now this incident just makes it more difficult for me to really trust someone.

Hurts doesn't it?

Science Vs Religion

2009-05-18T03:04:00.000-07:00

Interesting topic. Inspired by the movie "Angels and Demons". It's a marvellous show, by the way, please do catch it if you have the free time. I saw the same topic on Amelia's blog too while blog-hopping. I was thinking of writing some long and cheem stuff about this, which I possibly will if I have the free time. But in the meantime, I'll give you the same question that may be floating in people's mind after the movie.

Science and Religion. Which side will you pick?

2009-05-16T05:37:00.000-07:00

This blog has gone stale. Sometimes I'm updating it just for the sake of updating it. It's not as if anyone reads it except myself who checks it almost every day because I have nothing better to do on my computer. I'm bored. Totally bored. There is nothing to do, nothing to be done, and no energy to do it with (MockingBird Flashback). Worse of all i just feel lousy. Lousy that I just screwed my Mid-years. Totally screwed it up. Procrastinating. I'm never going to do that again. I swear i'll get a heart attack if there is a repeat of this, but this term I just feel tired. Exhausted. Frustrated. Blah. Don't know what the hell happened to me. This wasn't what happened in Term 1. All that I worked for has seemed to go down the drain. A drain that leads to the big "Motivation Disposal Centre".

Hell, what's done cannot be undone. But where I've failed before, I'll succeed this time. There can't be anymore room for mistakes like this. All there is to do now is just think about how I can do better for my Prelims and eventually the Big O's.

Going back into procrastinating, it's something that makes my life living hell for the past 2 weeks. In fact I feel so burnt out right now my mind is a total blank. Even Kami No Shizuku, the drama which I've been saving up a long time for, doesn't interest me anymore. It was quite a disappointing show. I should have bought Beethoven Virus instead. Sigh...

What's next for me? June holidays use to catch up work, Lit seminar which I'll be presenting my very weird ideas in, mug, mug, and more mugging I guess. I just hope that I can be disciplined enough. It's what always kills me. This time it'll be different. Even if it means smashing my com with a bloody hammer. I'll do it.

传说- 林宥嘉 feat, 刘力扬

2009-04-20T04:20:00.000-07:00

Curtain Call

2009-04-17T18:38:00.000-07:00

Every day, people wake up in the morning and look into the mirror. As they look into the face staring right back at them, they see a face of weariness. In their eyes they see exhaustion and a lack of motivation, with the intention of barely scraping past each day.

However, that is not so for 40 boys today. When they wake up and look into their mirror, they see a face of determination, a face of hunger. In their eyes, there is only fire. Fire that represents desire, hunger, and passion. It is not a wildfire, but it burns brightly and strongly within them. For they wake up with only one thought in mind, and that is "We're gonna beat the crap out of RI. And those are not just words, we will do it. Doubt me? Look inside my eyes now. Look hard." These are some of the 40 members of the SJI Rugby team. Each and every one of them possess the determination and courage to face the game. Each of them brought their balls with them.

This was our last match. Our B'Divs were going to give our best, and nothing but the best. It had been a stalemate for majority of the first half, but a penalty gave us a lead of 3-0. It was a narrow lead. But the second half was one that we will never forget. The try scored by RI which allowed them a slight lead of 2 points, the disappointment of the crowd then. But it was not over. Another penalty put us bad in the lead by only 1 point. I believe that from that point onwards, SJI displayed the true spirit of rugby, stepped up and fought harder than before. Jamal's try and the conversion sealed the deal.

We were 3rd place. The same batch of players that gotten 6th place in the C Division Championships 2 years ago. It was a moment that we will never forget. Every one of us rushed to the field, with only the adrenaline of winning pumping our legs. It was our moment, our time. We made it, we stepped up, we sucked up the pain, and it's finally ours. Finally ours.

After almost 6 months of intensive training, with physical sessions that are bound to make you feel exhaustion like you have never felt before, with times where each and every one of us groaned in frustration and sometimes doubted our abilities. We sacrificed, we shed blood, shed tears, pulled muscles, popped shoulders throughout this season. We worked so hard, gave so much.

And yet, as the referee's final whistle blew, all of that transformed into tears of joy. Tears that we shed in recognition that our efforts have finally paid off. All those pain we have suffered and endured were replaced by the taste of victory. The sensation of defeating our arch-rivals and again rising up to the occasion. The Sec 4s shed tears as they know that that was the last chance that they were going to play together, to train together as a team.

The curtain has finally fallen. Our rugby season is over. Although we might not play together again, the spirit of the SJI Rugby Team and the B Division of 2009 will forever shine in our hearts. Each and every one of you who have walked with the team is special. Keep the flame alive boys. You have done the school proud and brought them glory.

Take a bow, and listen. Can you hear it? The cheers and the applause? Listen closely. Because that sound will always continue to ring and echo in your mind. Remember it, and remember it well. That, is the sound of victory, the sound is a testimonial of the spirit of the SJI Rugby Team.

Let it burn inside us, for this is a spirit fueled by passion and determination.

No Fear, No Pain, No Regrets.
Rock on B'Divs!

Thanks For The Memories

2009-04-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

A few months back a group of people decided that they wanted to change something. They set their minds to it, and no matter how much they suffered for it, what kept them going is that one day that dream will come true. The dream that they bled for, they worked for, they cried for and they promised that they will do it no matter what.

If you're reading this guys I just wanna say something here. I've always wanted to say this to you before the game starts but heck, I'll leave that to someone who can really get you all fired up. But anyway,

I hope you guys will remember what we did throughout the few months of intensive training. The PTs that we got under the heat, the 11x400m sprints that made every one of us swear, groan and wished that we were at home sleeping. Remember the bridge PT that is enough to make every one of our knees weak and our thighs burn? What kept us from going? It's that spark of hope we have. The hope that we will be better than before, the hope that we can come back stronger, faster and more aggressive than before. The hope that we can one day say proudly to ourselves "We did our best and we made it". We. Made. It. That is the only thing we are going to say to ourselves when this is over.

The season has been tough for all of us. The unexpected loss against Bedok Town, how the pressure is on us to win every single game to make it into round 2, the grudge match against ACS Barker, how we proved everyone wrong by making it into the semi finals by beating JunYuan. We have pushed ourselves, strained our muscles, made our sacrifices. Now it's time to make sure that those sacrifices and the pain we endured was worth it. Did we endure hell during the PTs? Well, it's time to unleash that hell onto RI. Let's make them feel whatever we felt during all those times of Physical Training. They will feel exhaustion, the feeling of cracking and giving up will haunt them throughout the game, and unlike us, they, will not have the strength to continue.

Tomorrow, it's the end of our season. Tomorrow, will be the day the curtains fall on the B'Divs 2009. Let the cheers and the applause ring for us, and us only. Can you guys hear it? The sound of victory? The taste of it? It's so close to us. It's time to get the game on.

Somewhat Disturbed

2009-04-04T03:25:00.000-07:00

Dad was nice enough to take me to watch "ShinJuku Incident" yesterday. I must admit that I'm still not quite used to seeing Jackie Chan doing drama, but nevertheless it was a quite a spectacular performance by Jackie Chan. It was also my first time seeing an NC-16 movie in the cinema, although I haven't turned 16 yet. I believe that the ratings nowadays are overrated, so thus I wasn't expecting much violence in this show. However at the end, it was more of the politics that shocked me, besides the violence in the show. There were certain parts in the movie that will cause complaints if it was released PG. There was this scene where Daniel Wu's face gets carved and his hand chopped off by the Yakuza and other scenes of violence which may stir the stomach of some people.

However, it's the betrayal, the ending and the politics involved that made the movie truly disturbing. Sometimes I wonder how these people sleep at night. Yakuza politics involves lots of chess pieces. The one who can play them well and not become one themselves becomes the true victor. I would reccommend this movie to those who wants to see a different side of Jackie Chan, him being the villian and all.

2009-03-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes there are bastards in this world that are out to ruin your life for no particular reason that you understand. It's just like, one sudden day someone's attitude towards you changes completely. I used to feel sad about that, honestly. Losing someone whom you used to talk to is sad.

Now,

I don't give a shit. So just go ahead and try. I'm willing to lose people like that.

Cape No. 7

2009-03-25T06:56:00.001-07:00

友子,

"遇見了要往台灣避冬的烏魚群
我把對你的相思寄放在其中的一隻
希望你的漁人父親可以捕獲
友子，儘管他的氣味辛酸
你也一定要嚐一口
你會明白…
我不是拋棄你，我是捨不得你
我在眾人熟睡的甲板上反覆低喃
我不是拋棄你，我是捨不得你"

"我把我在台灣的相簿都留給你
就寄放在你母親那兒
但我偷了其中一張
是你在海邊玩水的那張
照片裡的海沒風也沒雨
照片裡的你，笑得就像在天堂
不管你的未來將屬於誰
誰都配不上你
原本以為我能將美好回憶妥善打包
到頭來卻發現我能攜走的只有虛無
我真的很想妳！
啊，彩虹！
但願這彩虹的兩端
足以跨過海洋，連結我和妳"

"我的相思你一定要收到
這樣你才會原諒我一點點
我想我會把你放在我心裡一輩子
就算娶妻、生子
在人生重要的轉折點上
一定會浮現…
你提著笨重的行李逃家
在遣返的人潮中，你孤單地站著
你戴著那頂…
存了好久的錢才買來的白色針織帽
是為了讓我能在人群中發現你吧！
我看見了…我看見了…
你安靜不動地站著
你像七月的烈日
讓我不敢再多看你一眼
你站得如此安靜
我刻意冰涼的心，卻又頓時燃起
我傷心，又不敢讓遺憾流露
我心裡嘀咕，嘴巴卻一聲不吭
我知道，思念這庸俗的字眼
將如陽光下的黑影
我逃他追…我追他逃…
一輩子
我會假裝你忘了我
假裝你將你我的過往
像候鳥一般從記憶中遷徙
假裝你已走過寒冬迎接春天
我會假裝…
一直到自以為一切都是真的！
然後…
祝你一生永遠幸福！"

I was hoping to write this in chinese, but it'll probably take me a long time to write this post. I will probably edit this later, but please enjoy reading these quotations from the love letters in the movie "Cape No. 7". Those words will break a person's heart and at the same time paint a beautiful picture of love. Please, enjoy it. I did.

K-Pop Fan? Perhaps...

2009-03-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

I think I'm some sort of Wonder Girls fan now. Not saying I'm some kind of sicko but their songs are really catchy and nice. The following two are some of the more emo songs by them.

This Time

Saying I Love You

Back From Camp

2009-03-22T05:17:00.000-07:00

Hey all those who still click on the link to my blog. I'm here to tell you that I've just come back from a camp which just kicks ass, apart from a few tiny areas of improvement. A good job to all the Facilitators, it totally rocks to be in the same Camp Comm as you all la. I'm sure the camp will get better and better. We had fun yeah? So thanks to:

RenXin
Iris
Han Jie
Yu Yue
Tian Yu
Yu Hang
Ni Shuai
Xu Chang
Aonan
Li Xue
Krystal
Zi Ran
Shuai Cheng
Xiao Jiao
YuFung
JiaHui Jie

Hope I didn't miss out any names. And last but not least.... A BIG THANKS TO XULONG! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS! YEAAAAH! Haha. It was fun throughout the few months. Really enjoyed it. Hope I can be part of this again.

School's Out

2009-03-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

1st term is over. I shan't bother you with O'Level countdowns, but I'm here to make a post completely unrelated to studies.

It's something completely random. It's something about WonderGirls! Haha check out their videos. They're damn cute.

Nobody

Tell Me

Haha Enjoy it guys.

Edit: Oh I forgot something else too. A vid of my favourite Wonder Girl

Sun Ye!

Crush

2009-03-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility
that you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Has it ever cross your mind
When were hangin, spending time girl,
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do

Tired to write anything

2009-03-06T06:40:00.000-08:00

As the title goes, I'm really tired to write anything now. So I'll just introduce some videos instead. They're great piano solos composed by Joe Hisaishi, who composed most of the music in Hayao Miyazaki's movies. Wonderful filmmaker, extraordinary composer. Check it out.

The Wind Of Life

Innocent

2009-02-27T20:21:00.000-08:00

What happens when people try to come into your home, and take away all you got? Everything you worked for? What would you do?

We beat the SHIT out of that person.

That is what happened today. An 8-0 win over ACS Barker. Good job guys. Let the flame continue to burn, remember every moment of it. You all are warriors and fighters, and SJI will fight their way through every match, every lineout. We don't just play. We play with all we got.

This is the mindset that I will always remember. SJI B'Divs 2009, keep fighting. We deserve the finals.

Whack

2009-02-27T04:10:00.000-08:00

It all boils down to tomorrow. Let's go guys. People are coming to our home to steal our pride and all that we've worked hard for away. Let them know that we are not to be messed around with or fucked with. We're gonna show them what we are made of. Our blood, sweat, tears pain and all that we've endured, we're gonna give it all to you. Every. Single. Thing. Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

2009-02-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

I tried my best... I really did. So why can't the tears stop flowing?

2009-02-12T04:40:00.000-08:00

I hate this. The feeling of it. Everything about it. We're gonna rise back up, and do it harder than ever. We're gonna screw everyone who meets us. Let's start from today. I will work harder than ever. I will make the best out of it. God help me.

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step

2009-02-06T08:34:00.000-08:00

SJI Vs Bukit Batok. Final score: Victory to us at 34-0. It was a good match, but there are definately more room for improvements. Alot of people played very well today. There is joy and disappointment. Disappointment because Coach didn't even put me in. Nevermind, my hopes are still up for the other matches ahead. Now it's gonna be 100% full steam man...

Best Shot

2009-02-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is our first match in the B'Divs season. In the past few months we have sweat, swore, bled and endured all the times of physical trainings and field trainings. We swallowed the pain and gave it our all. Now it's time to show them what we are made of. All of us worked too hard. There is only one way that we can go. Let's do this people. Give it our best shot. We worked too hard to give up. Let's convert all our pain into points. All the best B'Divs. May God Bless Us. Amen.

Speechless

2009-01-31T07:08:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether to apologise or say nothing, I don't know whether I should feel sad or angry or whatever. All I feel now is confusion. I'm really terribly sorry if I caused you hurt, but there are things that are more important to me that I have to complete.There are things that I cannot give up, things I must finish off well. Hope you understand. I treasure this friendship alot.

Good Luck

2009-01-29T05:15:00.001-08:00

To all the Sec 4s whom I know who are receiving their posting results tomorrow, I wish you all the best of luck and I really hope you get into the schools that you want. May all of you be blessed and motivated to work harder towards your dreams and goals and never let anything get into your path. I wish you all success! Jiayou!

Symbols

2009-01-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

I just had the weirdest dream last night. I was playing in a basketball match involving all the SJI friends I know. Chindi snatched the ball away from me, and all of a sudden I was in the TDP Chinese classroom having lessons with the TDP dudes and some people from another school. A good friend of mine was there too, but left straight away without even saying "Hi" or something. Next thing I know, I was following to see what's wrong. I saw her crying as she walked straight into this road full of traffic. I felt my skin jump out of me as I rushed to save her from this incoming car. I carried her on my back as I tried to cross that road, weaving through traffic. I felt the struggle and the tears on my back. But as I was about to step on the other side, I woke up... Feeling very odd.

Dreams always tells us somethings, but not in a direct way. It sends you weird symbols instead. Sometimes I wish I can decipher dreams, that way I would know what's missing in me.

天路

2009-01-26T07:04:00.000-08:00

荡气回肠，这首歌，唱出了西藏的美丽，唱出了修建青藏高路英雄们的血汗和辛苦，修建了一条天路。每当我听这首歌时，心里有一种说不出的激动。一首歌的力量竟然那么大...

你不是真正的快乐

2009-01-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

人群中哭著你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢或痛或心動了
你已經決定了你已經決定了

你靜靜忍著緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜就是越傷人了
越是在手心留下密密麻麻深深淺淺的刀割

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

這世界笑了於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則不是你的選擇
於是妳含著眼淚飄飄盪盪跌跌撞撞的走著

你不是真正的快樂你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

你不是真正的快樂你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了然後才後悔著

你值得真正的快樂你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓悲傷全部結束在此刻重新開始活著

歌词，怎么让我那么伤心？

My Insides Are Turned To Ash

2009-01-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

It's scary sometimes, that you find one day that you're fighting for something that don't exist, or fighting for something that was way out of your reach. You made so much effort, sacrificed so much. And now all of a sudden you don't know what you are fighting for. It's scary, heartbreaking and painful at the same time. It's scary that you don't know what you are fighting for. It's painful to know that perhaps all of your efforts have gone to waste. Zero. Please give me a reason to continue. Please prove me wrong. Please....

****

2009-01-21T04:03:00.000-08:00

Went back to training after one whole week of MC. Was completely disappointed in myself. I was so exhausted by the PT that I couldn't continue for the rest of the training, so I just sat in one corner and watched. What the hell is wrong with me. Training today for me was f-king shit. F-king shit with a capital F. It just couldn't get any more worse. Now I have to start from scratch again. My fitness level has just dropped all the way to ZERO. ZERO. Now I have to experience the pain, the fatigue, the light-headedness all over again before I adapt to the training regime. God I don't know how I can do this again. But I know I have to, bit by bit, and hopefully make my way up. My body may be a liability now, but just watch. I will persevere and endure as long as I'm conscious and awake. I will hold on with every inch of my willpower.

Songs That Kept Me Alive

2009-01-19T01:50:00.001-08:00

星晴- 周杰伦

安静-周杰伦

最长的电影- 周杰伦

阳光宅男- 周杰伦

幸福不灭- 罗志祥

我最近超喜欢周董的歌。小猪的最后一首也非常好听。

Someone just kill me

2009-01-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

I thought I recovered from my flu till after inter-class. We got 7th position. Not a bad end but I believed that we could do better if we had been more serious. After inter-class my nose started to block like mad. I couldn't even pronounce the letter "N" properly. Woke up with a really sore throat, blocked nose and fever the next day. I couldn't go for training that day but still dragged my lifeless body to school. After this was just a routine cycle of taking medicine, sleeping, blowing nose, coughing... etc. Thank God that I still kept my previous supply of Panamol which helped lower my body temperature. It has been a constant struggle in the morning trying not to sleep despite taking 2 medicines which causes severe drowsiness.

To illustrate that point, I took the cough syrup in the afternoon at 3:30pm and went to sleep and around 3:45pm on Friday. I woke up at 7:48pm, wondering what the hell I was doing lying on my bed at such a time. Well, I won't elaborate on going to school with flu+fever+alot of shit, but now as I'm feeling much better, it's time to get back to some serious work. I need a speedy recovery, and cough out all the rubbish/garbage/sick stuff in my body.

I saw this prayer in my school diary today. Honestly this is the first time I've found a prayer so suited and powerful for me.

The Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary
that never was it known that anyone who
fled to your protection, implored your help
or sought your intercession, was left unaided
Inspired with this confidence, I fly to you,
O Virgins or virgins, my Mother
To you I come, before you I stand
sinful and sorrowful,
O Mother of the Word Incarnate.
despise not my petitions,
but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

No Matter What

2009-01-09T06:50:00.000-08:00

No Matter what happens, I'm sticking with you guys, whether I make it into the team or not. I will fight and give my all. I won't leave this last year with regrets.

Tired.... but still going on

2009-01-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

I'm trying my best to survive the week and make it a good one. Studying is especially hard after training, where your body is so inclined towards just falling asleep on the nice, comfortable bed beside you. It's an internal struggle everytime that happens, and it's especially hard if you're doing topics like Chemistry. I swear that yesterday night I was this close to giving up. Frustration and fatigue mixed together to form one hundred percent of fked-up ness. If it wasn't for retail therapy and music, the process of going to school and studying will have become much more mundane.

I bought Snow Patrol's "A Hundred Million Suns" on tuesday. That's $18.95 gone from my earnings from waxing and washing my parent's cars, but I didn't regret it. Although there are a few songs which sounded kind of weird to me, but I'll give you some recommendations.

Crack The Shutters

If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It

I love listening to music.

This is the life that we're given, so open your hearts and live it

2009-01-03T04:53:00.000-08:00

That song by Take That is really inspiring, but it's not enough to move my butt out of the emo zone. Honestly I didn't want school to start. I know stuff like that happens every year, but the feeling is extra-ordinarily strong this year. It's distracting me again. Stuff like that make me look as if I'm possessed or something. I'm always staring into space and pushing off leadership postitions. Anyway I have my two years of service as a class committee already. It's time to give it to someone else who can do the job better.

Come on Jerry, pick yourself up. There's no time for such things known as "Nostalgia" this year anymore. No matter how badly you want it, you can't live in that. Pick yourself up. You can do it.

2009

2008-12-31T09:39:00.000-08:00

2008 has been an eventful year, filled with laughter, disappointment, betrayal, epiphanies, sadness and love. It's been such a rollercoster that I find it difficult to accept the fact that a new year is coming. A new beginning? Hope so. I won't welcome this year with open arms, but I'll still hope for the best, even if hurdles are put in my way. "God don't move the mountains, but give me strength to climb them". This is a truly inspirational statement from the movie "Pursuit of Happyness".

Let 2009 unleash its surprises and disasters, I will take them all in my stride. Let 2009 bring out a different side of me. As the New Year comes, I would still like to make dedications to certain groups of people who walked with me in the year 2008.

335/3G2-2:

Meeting you guys is definately one of the best things in 2008. We laughed, worked and played together. As we move on to our final year, let's stick together and overcome the highest hurdle in our secondary school lives. Each and every one of you means a lot to me. Let's go guys, the final sprint is coming. Let's not be one of the last few to finish it.

HSK People:

Guess I emphasized on the point of how special this group of people to me in my previous posts already. Call me sentimental or anything you want, but I just wanna say: Time may wash away the memories, but I'll do my best to keep them anchored firmly inside my head. If it fails, there's still pictures to help me recollect the memories. It's insane to live in your memories but it's nice thinking about stuff like these once in awhile.

Rugby Dudes:

Hey I really do hope to play side by side with you in our last year. I really did try my best. Hope you still remember me when this whole thing is over. Josephians rule man.... Haha

HSK BBQ Gathering

2008-12-29T16:52:00.000-08:00

I've been waiting for this day ever since I came back. I couldn't even sleep well the previous night due to anticipation. Haha. I guess part of me still wishes to live in the Shanghai days. Many people turned up that day, I got to see all those who didn't turn up for the steamboat gathering. It's a pity that Zai Wei, Charles and the others can't make it.

Reached Tampines MRT at 4:10pm. This is what you get when you think that Tampines is just a 30 minute MRT ride away. I was really glad to see them again. The whole group radiates happiness, a feeling which gradually started to turn its back on me since Sec 3. I can't describe how happy I was to see them again. Played basketball with Boon Tiong, Cai Miao and Wei Qi (Hope I spelt her name correctly) while Junjie and the others played with some guys at the CC. Playing with Boon Tiong is just plain funny and I played the whole game with some of Julia's cookies stuck in my throat. Her cookies were delicious! Just not suitable to eat them before playing.

After playing was slacking and stoning. I played cards with Cai Miao, Thomas, Cheng Teng. I got owned. I just put one card down and lost. I also remember laughing at Thomas for his sick mind. Thomas was extra gay that day. The first thing he saw in a newspaper was "Sex and Cheerleaders". I don't know what was that about, but the fact that the first thing Thomas noticed was that, proves alot of things. Lolz. Wen Xin came over later wearing heels. That's gotta hurt considering she came over from Malaysia.

After we reached Sabrina's house it was just hours and hours of retarded things. The girls were sitting on some sort of "merry-go-round" thing in the playground and we just help push the thing . My feet still hurt after all that pushing. The guys got a ride on that too, with Thomas pushing and it resulted in Si Jun falling off the ride. Boon Tiong was covering people's face with charcoal and Thomas was... shaking his butt in the playground. It's a pity I didn't take a video of that. The food was delicious, but I was stuffed full quickly. Spent the rest of the night talking to Jing Rong, Alvin, Cai Miao and Sabrina while we tried to cook the remaining Sotong balls and Chicken Wing. It was around 10 plus already. Was planning to go home myself but Chang Long was nice to offer me a ride in his parents car. Saved me alot of time, but I still reached home at 11:30pm. By then my dad was asleep already.

Strange thing is, after I came back from the BBQ, I got the same familiar feeling like my last day in Shanghai. No I wasn't the first to leave but I just want to stay with them for a little while more, even if it's just sitting there silently. It's too bad that my school reopens on friday while the others start school one week later or in February. It's kinda sad that we're all going to be terribly busy after school reopens. I hope that I still can keep the memories inside my head even as I'm preparing for my O'Levels. They're all special to me, every single one of them.

These songs, are more than just music and lyrics to me. They're pieces of wonderful memories given to me by very special people.

Beserk Mode

2008-12-17T06:25:00.001-08:00

These few days I've been doing my holiday homework and training. I have just completed the report on the "Famous Battles Of The Three Kingdoms". 11 pages with images and hell lots of text. It's strange that I actually enjoy that. Perhaps it takes my mind off certain things. Now I'm moving on to Differentiation worksheet and my Commonwealth Essay. Now I realise my holiday homework is really very little. Not too tough. Looks like I can celebrate Christmas at ease now.

Today is the last training of the year. The Old Boys prepared something special for us. It's one of the most extreme form of Physical Training that I have encountered
since I joined Rugby. It's something like this:

For all those who are SJI students know that between the Raffles Town Club bus stop and Tanglin CC bus stop are two overhead bridges. Our starting point is at Tanglin CC bus stop. We must sprint across the overhead bridge to the RTC bus stop, sprint across to the next bridge opposite Tanglin CC and finally back to the Tanglin CC bus stop. It sounds easy but going up and down the bridge again really stretches your thigh muscles to the limit. We have to complete 6 rounds of that. Tiring, but it feels good after the whole thing is done. At least I pushed myself and I managed to have a consistent timing.

After that was this long water break and this weird physical session which involves piggy-backing your team mates for 100m. It was damn funny and damn fun at the same time. After which there was a match. Sounds serious but it was one of the most fun matches I ever played. There were loads of laughter because of TY's trick and the crude humour of the SJI old boys. I'm really glad they trained with us. I managed to tackle Kiat! Haha. It was an awesome training. I had fun. That's the whole point of it all , I guess.

Random stuff:

I really hope I can go out for dinner with the HSK people. I really miss them loads after the trip. I'll persuade my parents and chiong my homework, whatever it takes to allow me to go.

My muscles hurt like crap after the physical training on monday. It's going to be worse when I wake up tomorrow.

I just had Mega-McSpicy for dinner just now. Hopefully nothing will happen to me when I "sign contract" tomorrow. Haha.

End of Random stuff. Ciao!

甜甜圈

2008-12-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

有一种东西，像一个甜甜圈一样，
吃了一口，就想咬第二口，回味那草莓的芳香
咬了第二口后，还想咬第三口，回味奶油的甜蜜
想咬第四口时，发现手里的甜甜圈已经不见了，
可是那奶油和草莓的味道还回荡在嘴里，想再吃一个的欲望越来越激烈
急急忙忙地去商场买了一大盒回家，坐在电视机前一个个地品尝。
自己吃的甜甜圈越来越多
但是，
吃着吃着，突然发现甜甜圈的味道慢慢地变了
不管是草莓，巧克力，或奶油也好，
它们的味道渐渐从美味变得平淡
从平淡变得恶心。
照照镜子，发现自己的腰围粗了许多，裤子也穿不下了。
连自己也差一点都认不出了
朋友也开始远离你
你下定决心，开始运动减肥，恢复当时的身材
经过好几个月后才减肥成功
自己也渐渐忘了那甜甜圈的滋味。
有一天，在商场上闲逛的你被一样东西吸引住
仔细一看，是一个同样口味的甜甜圈。
当时你已经忘记它的味道，和它为你带来的痛苦/
你只想尝尝他的味道，
看起来真的是很好吃很好吃的样子，
自己不禁张嘴咬了一口.....

2008-12-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

這街上太擁擠
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有霧氣在被隱藏起過去
你臉上的情緒
在還原那場雨
這巷弄太過彎曲走不回故事裡

這日子不再綠
又斑駁了幾句
剩下搬空回憶的我在大房子裡
電影院的座椅
隔遙遠的距離
感情沒有對手戲你跟自己下棋

還來不及仔仔細細寫下你的關於
描述我如何愛你
你卻微笑的離我而去

這感覺已經不對
我努力在挽回
一些些應該體貼的感覺我沒給
你嘟嘴許的願望很卑微在妥協
是我忽略你不過要人陪

這感覺已經不對
我最後才了解
一頁頁不忍翻閱的情節你好累
你默背為我掉過幾次淚多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

Twilight

2008-12-13T04:26:00.000-08:00

I watched Twilight today with Peter, Samantha, Hillary , Myles and Bryan. For all those who read the book, the movie may be a little disappointment for you. Oh yeah, I have just discovered that Sneak Preview means the movie without subtitles and stuff. This means that I can watch many movies before the official release date! I'm sure most of you already know what a "sneak preview" is. No poking fun at my late understanding. Haha.

I've started on the Chinese holiday assignment, which is a good thing because I want to finish my homework as quickly as possible. Still got Training and Camp Comm meetings. My holidays are gone....

Inspiration

2008-12-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

Amidst my emo-ing and post-shanghai depression, I've been struck by a wave of inspirations. Mike always wanted to see me write poems. I'm not sure whether what I've written in my previous post was a poem or not, but it's still something that struck me one night. It happened tonight too, I was talking to my parents about doughnuts, and suddenly something I said brought about another wave of inspiration to write something. It still needs abit of editing before I can post it up.

These few days I've been working on my chinese project and watching Miyazaki's films at the same time. I watched "Grave Of The Fireflies" the other day and it really made me so sad, to the point where I thought of just holding that someone in my arms and never let go. Weird feeling for a movie like that, but I'm in love with Miyazaki. I'm currently watching "Howl's Moving Castle", and I'll move on to "Spirited Away". What a way to spend my holidays. Haha

2008-12-11T18:14:00.000-08:00

不知道自己是不能放手还是不想放手
不知道自己是不能忘记还是不想忘记
不知道自己是不能改变还是害怕改变
不知道如果改变的话，还能保留当时的感觉吗？
不知道是现在的自己好还是以前的自己好
但是我知道，
这种感觉又烦，又痛苦，又难受
让人经常分心，使他们一步一步的迈向危险地带，
让他们忽略了自己生活中最重要的事和自己该做的事
要忘了吗？要放下吗？我不知道
他为我带来痛苦，和一张整天臭着的脸，
为我带来许多烦心事
但是，这种感觉也是甜蜜的，战胜了所有的痛苦。
让我感动，让我快乐，让我开心。
要忘了吗？要放下吗？要.....

2008-12-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

他们一开始是一大群死党
后来渐渐变成三人行
最后两人坠入情网
另一人伤心离去

恋爱中的人们
通常不会和死党联络
因此，甚至在他们分手多年后
他们的朋友还是弄不懂
当年到底发生了什么事

爱情总是无言地迫害着友情

选自几米，《你们我们他们〉

Flying Off

2008-11-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

I was really disappointed with the match today. I played really damn lousy, trying again and again but failing to tackle the man whom I was supposed to mark. Further more, with the season closing in every day, I really need to improve my tackling. However the match was good exposure, I gained alot from the game. Thanks Saints Old Boys.

Alright, moving on. It's only one day away till I fly off to Shanghai for my HSK trip. Well, all the trips that I participated was SJI exchange program which is really quite slack but this is going to be fun and yet tough in a sense that you have to learn really advanced chinese and I think there is lectures the whole day. This is a completely new experience to me. I'm going to enjoy and really take this opportunity to learn because this trip may never cross paths with me again. I hope I can upload some pictures when I'm there. If not I'll post pictures when I get back to Singapore.

Although tomorrow is my last day in Singapore before I fly off for 2 weeks or so, I am still pretty busy. I have packing to do tomorrow morning and ZB Camp Comm meeting in the afternoon. I'm really looking forward to planning such a big event like the training camp in March. It's going to be lots of work and lots of fun.

It's playtime.

Turn Left, Turn Right

2008-11-16T18:21:00.000-08:00

I finally finished watching "Corner With Love". Its strange that I actually got a little emotional at certain scenes and I could actually feel the emotions of Xin Lei and Qin Lang. It wasn't till the extent of crying, although I must admit that one scene almost made that effect. I must say that the show made me think about some things in this stage of my life right now. I think I'm prepared to make that type of commitment. To me, I think it's nice that someone will be like a guardian angel to another, whether he/she knows it or not. Perhaps one day that just might happen to me. Who knows what the heck the future holds?

Enough of that, let's talk about something else. This little challenge my dad set for me today. This is what he said during our journey back from my guitar lesson.

Dad: "Hey want to go swimming?"

Me: "No my muscle pain"

Dad: "That's too bad"

Me: "Why?"

Dad: "I was going to challenge you to see whether you can swim 40 laps of freestyle continuously"

Me: "I can la. Bet how much?"

Dad: "$10"

Well, although now I think $10 is a little less, I took the challenge anyway. So there I was, in the Queenstown swimming complex swimming my 40 laps. It was exhausting to the max. On my 20th lap my muscles were a little tired. From the 30th lap onwards I was swimming with pure willpower. I was thinking "I can't give up. I've already swam so much. Come on, you can taste the success already." It's a funny feeling once you reach that point where your mind is a blank, your eyes couldn't see anything because of the fog in your goggles. you hear absolutely nothing and your muscles are screaming. It's just the sound of the rhythm of your strokes and the words of encouragement in your mind. It took me about 40+ minutes to complete 40 laps, although it's really slow, but I'm glad that I managed to exceed my limit of the usual 10 laps and maximum of 20 laps.

I couldn't even stand straight after I got out of the water and my muscles were aching. At that point of time it felt as if my soul or concsiousness was out of my body and I'm just moving without any reason. However, there was this sense of ecstasy inside me. Never knew that this would be more fun that I had expected. It wasn't about the money anymore, although I'm $10 richer. Afterwards Dad treated me to Mega Mac. Wasn't really delicious considering it's a Big Mac with a couple more beef patty and lettuce.

I was thinking, with the money I can either buy the Stranglehold game, a book, a CD, a nice gift for mom or keeping the money. I feel like choosing the last option because I can't bear to spent the money I've earned from washing my parents' cars, saving up and swimming 40 laps. Perhaps I'll think of a better alternative. Right now I'm fighting to stay awake. But before I go I shall sign off with a really cute picture of myself that I dug out in my computer today.

Ciao!

爱转角遇见了谁

2008-11-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

Holidays are self-study days. Until I graduate, this remains to be true. However, I just can't bloody concentrate ever since I saw "Corner With Love" starring Show Luo and Barbie Hsu. I guess I'm getting addicted to Taiwanese Dramas. It's just a damn funny and a romantic show at the same time. I don't really know why suddenly started liking this kind of romance/comedy dramas but I guess dramas like these reflect my "perfect world".

In my perfect world, everything becomes so simple and everyone around me shows erm... positive behaviour. Everyone's happy despite whatever they face. I guess this part is reflected in those kind of shows. Protagonist leading a simple life falls in love with a girl. Maybe that's why I enjoy "Corner With Love". I know I don't really sound myself in this post with all the "sunshine, happiness and romance" stuff, but perhaps each and every one of you who may be reading this have their own little piece of paradise, a place where they feel at ease and truly happy.

WARNING: TRASH ALERT

2008-11-11T05:38:00.000-08:00

What I've been doing for the past two days. I've decided that my room needs a serious clean-up. My cupboard stores a 3 year's worth of worksheets, textbooks, workbooks, novels, games, CDs and almost everything you can think of and a whole year's supply of unfiled Sec 3 worksheets. It's a miracle that I can survive this academic year. I need a change for the coming year, and there I was, throwing everything I had onto the floor. categorizing them and putting them back into the right place. It is definately tough work and it makes me damn frustrated to see my room like some garbage dump, but I'm satisfied with the results. Check it out:

Day 1 of Cleanup:

Note: those plastic bags lying in the corners are actually thrash. I have 3 full bags of them. My room looks like a mini-mini Mount Smoky.

Day 2 Cleanup (Morning):

I think it looks better. I have almost everything filed. Notice the third trash bag on the floor. Just when I thought it was over, I met my friend cupboard, who greeted me with a big smile that looks like this:

You may think "Hey it's not THAT BAD", but the bottom part is much much worse than this. The only thing keeping the things at the bottom from falling is well... the cupboard doors. Once you open, they all fall down. I was frustrated, I was angry, I was... speechless. This shit can't be that difficult. It's only a YEAR right?

So I bid farewell to my afternoon of rest and welcomed more hours of cleaning up with a loud curse. This went on for a few more hours. I finished work at about 3pm in the afternoon. Ladies and Gentlemen, the final result.

Before:

After:

Nevermind the towel. It was there because I was pespiring like hell when I finished.

Now for my 3-year supply cupboard.

Before:

After:

The empty space above is for Sec 4 stuff. Well, it always looks easy as if I just rearraged a few books and files but it's kinda sad that I didn't take a picture of piles of worksheet on the floor. Guess I was too frustrated to do that. Now my room looks better. Fresh start for the approaching New Year and the end of my parents 10-month nag to clean up my room. Hope you all enjoy the pictures. Haha.

Revive

2008-11-08T07:31:00.000-08:00

Haven't blogged in a long long time. Guess there wasn't any urge to rant or bitch or what-have-you in this site. Well, I'm not going to delete this blog like my previous ones but I'm going to search for inspirations for my blog posts. I actually have an insipiration for one, but I decided that the issue is too erm... controversial if I actually typed what I feel. However, it's definately not about school or anything related to it. I would just like to post some random things and some updates here.

Random 1:

Well, I was at Popular a few months back looking at some assessment books so that my comprehension would improve. I was browsing a Longman's when I felt someone tap on my back. Turning around, I saw this Aunty and her daughter, who is probably in Primary School in front of me.

" Boy ah, 你有没有用过这牌的 foolscap paper?" *holds up a foolscap pad in front of me*

"没有，你想问什么？”

“ 我只是想问一下用这牌的 foolscap paper 写 Compo 好吗？”

At this point of time, I didn't really know what to say. So I gave her the

-__-" face.

“ 真得有那么重要吗？用其它牌子的纸有什么不同吗？”

Aunty's daughter glares at me and says

" OF COURSE GOT DIFFERENCE LA"

For all those who are sec 3 now, does what type of foolscap paper you use determine the quality of essays you write? It's not as if an unknown brand of foolscap will definately give you crap essays. During your PSLE or O'Levels you wouldn't even know what freaking brand of paper they provide for you. I think some parents go way too far to ensure that their child obtains good results. I think this is just a tip of the iceberg. I'm sure there are even parents who discuss about what brand of correction tape or liquid paper, what brand of mechanical pencil or pencil lead, or even worse, what brand of STAPLES is better for exams. What is the world coming to nowadays? I bet those great authors could even write a bestseller on toilet paper if they want while some who did not put any effort in improving their essays couldn't even pass their Paper 1 even if they write on freaking Gold Foil or something.

It's not about what your write on, it's about your abilities in writing. Abilties and not material.

Random 2:

I'm really excited about my trip to Shanghai. There were more than 50 people who attended the briefing today. I even spotted my Primary school friend. The world is getting smaller. Fudan University... It's gonna be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to participate in a program like this. I will definately learn a many things, take many photos and buy many things! It's just two more weeks!

Random 3:

I sprained my finger during training and now it's swelling and it kinda hurts. It would definately affect my performance in further trainings so I hope that it would recover soon. I need to train to play next year and right now, there are definately loads of stuff that I need to catch up. Like my catching and tackling.

More random stuff:

I'm in love with Assasin's Creed, Call Of Duty: World At War, Prince of Persia 08 amd Devil May Cry 4. In a perfect world, I wanna buy ALL. In my case, I can buy... None. I'm hoping I can get Assasin's Creed from Yustynn later. It looks like a really cool and realistic game

I need to train my B-boy. It's been so long since I tried to break. I'm not giving it up, or else my blisters will not be worth it.

Time flies......

Disappointment

2008-10-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

Exams are over, results stinked, percentage sucks, what else? What else is unexpected? Holidays gone, need to catch up work, training (it's not a burden but a difficulty for me now, there's fierce competition within the team as I need to ensure that I keep my original position). This is totally fucked up. So what can I do? Just gotta take a deep breath and continue.

Video Post

2008-10-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

Lately I have absolutely no idea on what to blog about. Here's a few video posts to lighten up your day.

Warning: May Contain Vulgarities

Part 1

Part 2

Video No. 2

What Now?

2008-10-14T21:32:00.000-07:00

Last day of my 5-day break from Final- Year Exams. Was it relaxing? No. Was it fun? Not really. Do you want more days off? Hell yes. Throughout this period of time I've been constantly reminded about my results. Shitz.... D-Day tomorrow.. again. Though I can't do anything about it, it still bugs me. Why oh why do I have to feel this way. Shit. It happens almost every single bloody time after the exams. It's driving me nuts.

Anyway, I've decided to add some celeb blog links to this site just in case some of your are curious to check it out. Though there's a few, but they'll grow in time.

HotShot!

2008-10-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

I'm Hot Shot crazy right now.... Haha. This post consists of some videos about 2 of my favourite characters in Hot Shot. I really want Da Ying will accept W instead of breaking his heart ove Jie'er. There's no need to cause unecessary pain to yourself, right? Anyway, the videos below consists of all, if not almost all the scenes between Da Ying and W. They would make a really good couple on screen. Check it out. The show's really funny too. Thanks to the person who compiled everything.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Part 6:

Part 7:

Part 8:

Part 9:

Part 10:

Addiction

2008-10-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

Damn I love "Hot Shot". I totally love the drama. It's funny and the matches are kinda cool to watch and the story is not some damn mundane love story either. It was then I realised that I'm addicted to this show. Like seriously I could watch the damn thing all day. I'm still on episode 9 though. But here's one thing I observed about Taiwanese Drama now.

I think that those scripwriters really know how to play with the minds of teenagers. You know, they would get like one really beautiful gal and one not-so-good-looking-but-still-ok gal to be in the show. Then they will create this sorta Love Polygon (Triangle is a way too simple word to describe this). It's kinda like... You want Girl X to date Main Character but main character likes Girl Y, and Girl Y likes another dude. Everytime you're like "Damn..... Main Character sucks". Da Ying should really be with W, they would make a really good couple.

Now my face is literally glued to the computer screen watching whether she and Luo Zhi Xiang can get together in the end. Then I won't be like... swearing at the screen. Haha. I guess too much studying makes you go nuts. Anyway, I'll finish the series and I will go on to reading my "Breaking Dawn". And then I will spent the remaining days of my holiday praying that I won't die of my horrible results.

Liberation?

2008-10-10T01:27:00.000-07:00

Damn exams are over. Now I can finally start playing like mad. I've been watching this Taiwan Drama called "Hot Shot" or "篮球火".

Starring Show Luo, Jerry Yan, Wu Chun, it tells a story about.... well... it's kinda long anyway, but it involves people playing basketball, and loads of cool basketball moves which looks kinda fake. Anyway, i would still recommend you all to watch it because:

For the girls, this stars 3 hunks which would make you wanna scream out loud....

And for the guys.... well, there are girls in the play that makes you.........

Wanna scream too. Haha. Just kiddin. But there's one who is really gorgeous.

The actress in blue. She stars in the series as the coach of the basketball team. Her background in the drama is a person who was an NBA Consultant nicknamed "W". She's damn pro in analyzing the player's abilities and potential. Damn I want a coach like her. That way we can all play the sport better. Haha. Check her blog out to get a better view, guys. I got the link from Wikipedia.

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/cocochiang

I bet some of you are gonna call me pervert or something, but hey, what will your reaction be when you see a human Edward Cullen or Rosalie Hale standing in front of you? I'm not saying that the actress is, though. But you get the point.

Update

2008-10-04T08:40:00.001-07:00

I'm busy mugging.... Just wanna post a pic here.

After 2 months of trying, here is the finished product. I do have better ones, but this was taken with a digital camera so it's faster to upload.

Random Stuff

2008-09-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

Today I opened my Amath Textbook and found out that everytime I look at a question I feel damn frustrated and tired. I'm honestly sick and tired of lessons. There are teachers who are rushing to complete the syllabus before the final years come. So alot of lessons are like mass-absorbing sessions which seriously kills your brain cell. Firstly, Mrs Tan has been literally shoving math formulas in our head, Mr Chen shoving Chem topics, Relief teachers shoving Bio topics and lots of shoving involved. I realised that I don't even have the mood to sit down and do my revision anymore. I hope I really don't burnout. If I really did, it would be big freaking trouble for me. I'm even skeptical about praying. That's how darn messed up I feel right now.

Anyway, let's set this topic aside. I went breaking with Selva and Matthias today. It was a depressing day for me. Though I can do the Nike now, my toprock and uprock sucks totally and big time. If I continued like that I will get my butt owned at any battle. Practise with music. That's what I'm going to do after exams. I wanna at least survive the battle without me pausing to think of what crap I should do next. At least I learnt something crucial about break-dancing. I also managed to learn the Forearm Nike today and I'm currently practising CC's to Baby Freeze. Breakdancing is really a damn fun thing but damn tiring thing to do, but I'm not gonna give up.

The next post is about a story which I'm going to write based on the song "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script. Please don't flame me if it stinks.